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THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE: NASA Photo Shows Massive Alien Base On Jupiter’s Moon Europa.

Instapundit readers, of course, already know the score.

ALSO, ALIEN BASES: Long-Lost Continents Under Antarctica Revealed in Old Satellite Data.

MEH. THIS IS JUST A COVER STORY FOR THE ALIEN BASE, OF COURSE: Team finds convection could produce Pluto’s polygons.

IT’S AN ALIEN BASE BEING CONSTRUCTED BY NANOBOTS. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! Cassini watches mysterious feature evolve in Titan sea. “The feature covers an area of about 100 square miles (260 square kilometers) in Ligeia Mare, one of the largest seas on Titan. It has now been observed twice by Cassini’s radar experiment, but its appearance changed between the two apparitions.”

ASTRONOMY: Ceres Vents Water Vapor. “Observations of the Solar System’s biggest asteroid suggest it is spewing plumes of water vapour into space.” This means our strikes on the alien base there were successful.

IT’S OBVIOUSLY AN ALIEN BASE: Cassini Captures Amazing High-Res Animation of Saturn’s Mysterious Hexagon.

We’ve been over this before. Wake up, sheeple!

NEWS: Big Explosion Recorded On Jupiter’s Surface. Probably a relativistic kinetic strike against their enemies from the alien base on Saturn.

IT’S A BYPRODUCT OF THE ALIEN BASE THERE: Strange Vortex On Saturn’s Moon, Titan.

HMM: Mysterious planet-sized object spotted near Mercury.

Theorists have seized on the images captured from the “coronal mass ejection” (CME) last week as suggestive of alien life hanging out in our own cosmic backyard. Specifically, the solar flare washing over Mercury appears to hit another object of comparable size. “It’s cylindrical on either side and has a shape in the middle. It definitely looks like a ship to me, and very obviously, it’s cloaked,” YouTube-user siniXster said in his video commentary on the footage, which has generated hundreds of thousands of views this week. Now, how this user was able to determine that the object was “obviously” a cloaked spaceship with no other natural explanation remains as much a mystery as the object itself.

I suspect it’s connected to the alien base on Saturn, and that mysterious explosion on Uranus. And, of course, the alien probe that whizzed by Earth. Then there were those mysterious happenings in the Gulf.

Science fiction story idea, along the lines of Charlie Stross’s CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN backstory: All sorts of bizarre phenomena today are explained by secret preparations for alien attack. The “Food Pyramid” approach that has produced worldwide obesity is actually meant to fatten people up to prepare for post-apocalyptic food shortages. The “Financial Crisis” is actually a manipulation to cover up large sums of money going to the alien defense effort. And, of course, the Iraq War was really about getting access to a crashed alien spaceship that Saddam wouldn’t share. (Oh, wait — that one’s true, according to an unimpeachable source.) Etc., etc. To my science fiction author readers: No payment needed, but if you write this one, make me a minor character or something.

UPDATE: I’m not the only one who picked up on the USDA/Space Alien connection.

ANOTHER UPDATE: All of Obama’s gun-control talk? Just a ruse to get Americans to stock up on guns and ammo before the alien attack! Face it, more people bought guns than would have if Obama had come right out and encouraged it . . . .

YET ANOTHER UPDATE: This “weird jet-propelled space object” is either an alien probe — or perhaps a test flight of one of our experimental alien-interceptors.

Oh, and lookie here: Cassini Spies Mysterious Object Named ‘Peggy’ at Edge of Saturn’s Rings. We’ve all read Footfall, right?

MORE: Cloaking Device activated!

Plus, I was expecting an Earth-shattering kaboom!

STILL MORE: An idling alien spaceship?

Plus, Alien construction on Titan.

And an interstellar mother ship at Europa.

SPACE: Something Has Exploded In A Spectacular Fashion On Uranus. I wonder if there’s any connection to the alien base on Saturn.

OBVIOUSLY, IT WAS AN ALIEN PROBE: Astronomers Wonder What Just Whizzed by Earth. Probably connected with that alien base on Saturn. I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords.

IT’S OBVIOUSLY AN ALIEN BASE: Cassini Sends First Full Images of Saturn’s Mysterious Giant Hexagon. “Scientists speculate that the six-sided shape represents the path of a jet stream, but still don’t understand what controls the jet stream in such a rigid manner. The latest image mosaics created by Cassini show waves radiating from the hexagon corners, and also reveal a multi-walled structure within each hexagon side.”


The best theory I’ve come up with so far, after brushing up on von Daniken’s “Chariots of the Gods,” is that it’s the Hex Nut of the Giants, affixed to the end of a massive bolt that’s holding the planet together. I haven’t worked out yet how a race of titanic engineers managed to insert the bolt at Saturn’s south pole. Nor have I identified the location of their hardware store, but we need to start looking for it right away, because NASA’s video shows that it’s swirling counterclockwise dangerously near what looks to me like the end of the bolt. If this thing keeps unscrewing . . . .

I think it’s the walls of an alien base.