November 21, 2020

JIM TREACHER: Andrew Cuomo Thinks He Can Ban Thanksgiving.

What are [New York’s sheriffs] supposed to do, go house-to-house? Bust down your door and throw open all your closets and cupboards? Maybe shove around some of the older relatives Cuomo hasn’t killed yet? “Hey, maybe there’s an 11th guest hiding in the attic!” I mean, what are we talking about here?

Cuomo keeps ranting about “the law,” but his edicts aren’t laws. That’s not how laws work. He’s not a dictator. He can’t just ban Thanksgiving by fiat and expect everybody to sieg heil.

And he says the cops’ refusal to enforce his imbecilic decree is “frightening to democracy” and “a violation of constitutional duty.” Well, if this wannabe third-world thug wants to bring up the United States Constitution, how does the Fourth Amendment factor into this? Has Cuomo read that one? Is there a coloring book we can give him to explain how it works?

Andrew Cuomo is behaving exactly the way he and his fellow Democrats falsely accuse Trump of behaving. He’s just the sort of tinpot fascist they claim to oppose. Yet all they do is praise him, because he’s a fascist for their team.

You’re gonna need much more Cuomosexual Conversion Therapy:

But in the last few days, more New Yorkers have enrolled in Cuomosexual Conversion Therapy. Their two major sticking points? Vaccines and schools.

There was widespread optimism when Pfizer-BionTECH and Moderna announced success rates of over 90 percent for their COVID-19 vaccines. For the first time in months it seemed as though there was hope for America. Enter Andy-Vaxxer Cuomo, using his platform as governor to undermine public trust in the FDA’s potential authorization of vaccine which we will all need to take. ‘We can’t let this vaccination plan go forward the way that Trump and his administration is designing it,’ he said last week, with all the scientific expertise of an Instagram wellness blogger. ‘I’m pushing hard to make sure that we have a process in place to check what the FDA says before people start getting the vaccine in New York.’

People were happy to put up with Cuomo’s pettiness when he was moving his daughter’s boyfriend to the Canadian border, or deploying the State Liquor Authority to target bars that mocked his dumb food rule by serving ‘Cuomo pizza’. But the prospect that his tussling with Trump might delay the climax of the COVID carnage has given many pause for thought.

The governor compounded his misstep with another display of logger-headed machismo posturing this week, clashing with Mayor Bill de Blasio over school closures. The mayor, after dithering for days, introduced an arbitrary 3 percent positivity rate to re-close NYC’s public schools. The governor contradicted this, saying at a Wednesday press conference that schools could remain open as the positivity rate was only 2.5 percent. A Wall Street Journal reporter expressed confusion on behalf of parents — and Cuomo, acting as hard as a pierced nipple in winter, snapped:

New tools are available to aid in the deprogramming process:

Perhaps these should be sent to the homes of Emmy Award voters:

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