AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Impressed Military Drops Portland Antifa In Hostile ISIS Territory To Continue Doling Out Justice. “Asked if they had any fear that the terror groups in the Middle East might kill them on site, AntiFa leader Thistle Matrix Harlequin said, ‘we have anti-Trump signs. As soon as we flash those, they’ll realize we’re not the bad type of Americans and will immediately shower us with praise and want to touch our faces.’ Harlequin’s partner, Moonshade Wolflust said he doesn’t want to fight ISIS, only learn their secrets. ‘The way I see it, ISIS is doing what we’re trying to do in Portland, only we use more vegan coconut milkshakes and stuff.’”