I’M TIRED OF GODDAMN LOCKDOWNS: The sun has entered a ‘lockdown’ period, which could cause freezing weather, famine. “The sun is currently in a period of ‘solar minimum,’ meaning activity on its surface has fallen dramatically. Experts believe we are about to enter the deepest period of sunshine ‘recession’ ever recorded as sunspots have virtually disappeared.”

A pandemic, solar cooling — dammit, John, I don’t want to live in one of your novels! Though I suppose I should be glad that it’s not one of the ones with zombies or Posleen. And hey, at least Hillary isn’t president.