February 16, 2020

LOOK, FAT! Joe Biden should do town halls forever.

Working out which of Biden’s town hall broadsides was most astonishing will keep teams of historians busy for decades to come. Who among us can say they didn’t watch slack-jawed when, last December, the unhinged septuagenarian unloaded on a voter in New Hampton, Iowa. In response to a question about his son’s ‘work’ in Ukraine, the former VP said, ‘You’re a damn liar man, that’s not true.’ He continued:

‘I’ve been around a long time and I know more than most people. And I can get things done. That’s why I’m running. And you want to check my shape? Let’s do pushups here together, man. Let’s run. Let’s do whatever you wanna do. Let’s take an IQ test.’

As far as we can tell, the voter did not ask to ‘check’ Biden’s shape. Biden then appeared to call his questioner ‘fat while giving off a heroic Michael Douglas in Falling Down vibe. This correspondent will not be shocked when Biden fires off a few RPG’s at the next voter to say the word ‘Ukraine’ within a five-foot radius of his person.

In Iowa, Biden appeared to think he was still the vice president. He also believed that 40 students were shot dead at Kent State, not four. At another event he remembered the assassinations of RFK and MLK occuring a decade after they happened. In August, he was unable to name the prime minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Over the years, Biden’s racked up thousands of these micro-gaffes and mini-controversies, accumulating over deep time like the fossil record. He provided a memorable summa to his cake-soft campaign, when he said at another campaign stop over the summer, ‘we choose truth over facts’. Biden has chosen an agonisingly senile and very public detoriation over a relaxing retirement.

And don’t get him started on FDR, television, and the 1929 stock market crash.

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