21ST CENTURY HEADLINES: I Was Kicked Off The Harry Potter Ride For Being Too Fat For The Seats.

One of the 20-something ride managers walked over and asked us all to step off because of a “safety” issue. We were ushered through a door to what looked like a backstage area where another 20-something employee rattled off a spiel about “safety” and “three clicks” and having to “try out a safety seat.” That’s when we all knew that I hadn’t actually made it onto the Hogwarts ride.

The four of us were taken to the beginning of the line where another 20-something informed us that for safety reasons, the restraint covering a rider’s chest must click down three times. She asked us to try out the test seat and my friends all looked over at me because I was obviously the fat one who caused our current predicament.

I took the bullet and pulled the restraint over my shoulders, pressing down as tightly as I could, my precious E-cups getting smashed into my chest and up around my neck. One click. That’s all I could manage.

“Lax safety standards” isn’t something most people look for in an amusement park.