KURT SCHLICHTER: The Fussy Attack of the Domesticated Conservatives.

You know what you won’t find in the major papers or on the mainstream networks, besides timely exposés of Democrat megadonors who are also megaperverts? Conservative columnists who don’t foam at the mouth over Donald Trump and who actually support conservative policies. Instead, you’ll find a bunch of journalistic Jeb!s, because the liberals hiring them know that squishes gonna squish.

Look, far be it from me to tell my enemy when it’s making a mistake, but because the media only hires nominal conservatives who already agree with liberals, liberals have no idea what real conservatives think or why. This is the reason they end up baffled when they lose and lose and lose again – sure, Felonia von Pantsuit was also stupid and drunk, but you get the point. As Sun Tzu observed, and I believe this is a verbatim translation from the original Chinese text, a wise general must seek to know and understand the true nature and schemes of his enemy lest he end up as forlorn and humiliated as a foxy fern in the Miramax head office.

Who knew that Kurt’s Chinese was so fluent?

Related: “We tried nice guys. We had John McCain. Mitt Romney.” And the press called them Hitler.