21ST CENTURY RELATIONSHIPS:

My eyes fall upon his sleeveless T-shirt. I imagine pouring my drink on it. My friend Jon tells me that these are “intrusive thoughts” and everyone has them. Which gives me permission to also imagine setting the shirt on fire. Ah, peaceful lakes! Birdsong!

I know I’m not a fun first date.

And she wonders why men her age aren’t eager to marry her. It’s got to be because they’re shallow.