WELCOME TO THE ONE TRUE CHURCH OF VICTIMOLOGY: Kyle Smith notes that the gay pastor who claimed that he was sold a cake with the words “LOVE WINS FAG” by the Whole Foods in Austin — insert Spock eyebrow lift here — is “the latest in a line of hate-crime hucksters seeking to profit from imaginary victimization. This is fraud:”

Last June in Baltimore, resident Julie Baker said a neighbor had sent an anonymous note calling her yard decorations “relentlessly gay” and asking her to “tone it down” because “this is a Christian area.”

An outraged Baker quickly went to the GoFundMe site to monetize her feelings and asked donors to pitch in to make her yard decorations even more “relentlessly gay.” She quickly raised $43,000. As accusations that she was a hoaxer piled up she announced she was returning all donations in a vaguely worded semi-apology (“the truth is that this project went from an artistic snowball tossed in the face of hate to an avalanche”).

Last summer 21-year-old Rick Jones of Delta, Utah, claimed some thugs beat him up and carved “Die fag” into his arms while he was working at the family pizza shop. Jones’ family started a GoFundMe campaign to capitalize on the result and had already earned $12,000 when police announced that they believed Jones had fabricated the incident. Jones’ lawyer admitted as much but called the claims a “cry for help” instead of the cry for money and attention it looked like to everyone else.

Serious question: Why are none of these people in jail?

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