February 29, 2016

SHOT: Aaron Clarey on the “Omnipresent Noise of Gen X Bar Owners:”

Soon, just like Florida or Sturgis, you’ll have nothing but wrinkly, pruny-boobed Gen X, intellectually-inferior gray hairs coming into your club hoping to get a taste of geriatric Z-Cavaricci ass as they reminisce about the 80’s and get nostalgic about “Iron Maiden” and “The Scorpions.”  Which will be fine.

Because most will be deaf by that age anyway.

So please, turn up the music just a little bit more.  I think I could actually hear that fount of intelligence my buddy 10 inches away from me said.  And I wouldn’t want to hear anything intelligent in a public social setting because that shitty ass band you hired is doing a shitty ass rendition of Kurt Cocaine’s crappy ass 90’s song so loud it’s more important I waste some brain cells listening to that shit than merely hearing music in the background while at the same time….

GASP!!!!!

BEING ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION!!!!

Oh, I’m sorry…

BEING ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION!!!

Chaser: “Bling is so last decade. Now everyone wants their own bourgeois bunker,” notes a Drudge-linked London Independent headline:

Does having a home office signify anything other than the spectacular transformation of my world from an office-based, alcohol-fuelled group activity into something more resembling a cottage industry, manageable only thanks to Wi-Fi, smartphones and the after-school club. Equally, my wonderful vinyl collection doesn’t symbolise affluence. Its existence is solely due to a happy teenage life, and my nostalgia for it. If I had had a miserable time during the Eighties, would I have wanted to hang on to my copy of Sade’s Diamond Life?

Yet the list is out there, and it rings true. It is also indicative of how we have turned our homes into post-Cold War nuclear bunkers. Heated with an underfloor system, naturally. The MA [“mass affluent”] class doesn’t need to go out any more; whether due to economics, the internet, fear or, frankly, cooking standards, it more and more chooses to stay at home, drinking fine wine, looking at art and listening to professional-level music on a Sonos system. Who needs to indulge in office banter when you have your own private office? Who needs to engage with a local nursery when your child has its own playroom? The rise in home cinemas and restaurant-style range ovens is part of the same mindset.

Other than the intriguing headline, I’m not sure why Drudge chose to spotlight this article, as it’s written by a left-leaning columnist who’s updated the once-ubiquitous anti-“McMansion” essays of the 1990s (which themselves were simply that decade’s rewrite of Mencken’s circa-1920s screeds railing against “the Booboisie”) to account for an increase in the quantity and sophistication of consumer electronics. Considering what’s going on in Europe and England right now, it’s a quite understandable reaction from its citizens to hunker down and bunker in, though given that the article is appearing in the London Independent, I’m surprised that author didn’t mention the real reason why everyone in England desires “their own bourgeois bunker” — all that global warming, of course.

Related: Jude Law’s security team was attacked and mugged by migrants when the cameras stopped after the Hollywood star left the jungle camp in Calais. I’ll bet he was rather happy to retreat afterwards to his bourgeois British bunker.