THE COUNTRY’S IN THE VERY BEST OF HANDS: U.S. military tells recruiting centers to step up security by closing blinds.

On Facebook, Tam Keel asks if they’re also handing out special, “monster-proof blankets for personnel to pull over their heads as well.” But don’t worry, federal forces. Ordinary citizens are here to protect you.

Or as Sen. Frank Nicely puts it: “In a twist to recent controversies, Southern States’ militias arming quickly to defend Federal (Union) troops.”