Yeah, yeah, I watch The Bachelorette. I could tell you I watch for work (so you don’t have to), but I’d be lying. I have enjoyed this series since the very first season. It’s my feel-good, brain-dead, turn everything off and laugh at how many times Chris Harrison can claim it’s the “most dramatic season EVERRRRRR!” show. It’s just fun and ridiculous. There are so many drinking game possibilities—”like” used out of appropriate grammatical context; the hideously incorrect “Joe and I’s relationship”; every time an ambulance is called; and of course, betting on whose mom is going to say “this is crazy, you cannot get married, I still do your laundry!” I think I mostly watch it for the grammar. It’s so hideously bad. But under the laughing, I still hope these idiots find love, although it’s more likely they’ll find a venereal disease, which brings me to my point.
On the latest episode, bachelorette Hannah is on the overnight dates with the four remaining men. These are the famous “fantasy suite” dates, where the girl looking for love spends the night with a bunch of different guys in order to weed them out. It’s not what your mother recommends, but ABC thinks it’s the key to lifelong happiness. Luke P. (the guy everyone loves to hate) was dumb enough to be honest: “If you told me you had sex or were having sex with one or multiple of these guys, I’d be wanting to go home,” the Christian contestant said, echoing the thoughts and feelings of 99.9% of straight men in America. But, this being the age of debauchery not even Caligula could dream of, the all-American, Southern-bred debutante lost her sh*t by pouting, erupting in anger, accusing, and eventually using crude hand gestures. It was more than I could take, though, when she raised up her bread roll and acted out the attempted stoning of the adulteress in the Bible that Jesus saved, comparing herself to the famous lady. It was slightly overdramatic.
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 16, 2019
For one, no one was about to kill her with sharp projectiles for having premarital relations. Secondly, if these are the dates where you figure out if she’s the one you want to be with forever, you might want to find out if she’s trolloping around with the entire squad of contestants. I guess the argument could be made that if you weren’t into sharing a girlfriend, The Bachelorette probably isn’t the show for you. But his concern was still valid.
One in four people have herpes. There are five people left on the show. You do the math. Social media, of course, sided with the sexually “free” Hannah, who admitted, “I f*cked in a WIND-MEEEEL, twice.” Twitter responded with a collective “You go girl!” and began throwing stones at Luke P.
Frustrated with people calling #LukeP a “Godly” man. No, he is using God as a weapon and a way to diminish a woman. He is also using God to manipulate Hannah into keeping him around, knowing how important God is to her. He’s a trash can if we want to define him! #TheBachelorette
— YouGoGlenCoco (@jvs_johns) July 16, 2019
The biggest sin here might be putting all this on television where the parents of these kids are going to see it. I foresee everyone in church this weekend on their knees begging God to help them forget every bit of it. I don’t know if Luke P. is “godly”—he seemed to have a lot of anger issues and trouble playing well with others. I’m not sure if he was using his faith to impress a girl he thought was devout and was mistaken. But I’m pretty sure he was sincere in not wanting to marry a girl who spreads her knees for his roommates. There really doesn’t seem to be anything confusing or upsetting in that very normal and healthy opinion.
I don’t know about you girls out there, but I have never met a man who wanted to date me and was all, “Hey, my roommate is super into you. Feel free to try him on.” No one (except the mega-degenerate sex club crowd) does this. Humans are generally monogamous. This is not news. And yet the young people think that whoring it up for years and years and racking up more and more partners is the key to happiness. They’re wrong.
The saddest article I ever read, “What the Hookup Culture Has Done to Women,” by Anne Maloney at Crisis Magazine, describes perfectly why women are so miserable.
In thirty years of teaching, I have come to know thousands of women between the ages of eighteen and twenty-six. These women are hurting. Badly.
Once, in a writing assignment about Socrates and the Allegory of the Cave, a student wrote that she decided to make better choices after she woke up one morning in a trailer, covered with scratches, naked, next to a man she didn’t remember meeting. At least she knew there was a problem. All too often, these women come to me in a state of bewilderment. Women have never been more “sexually liberated” than these women are, or so they are told. No more are they shackled by ridiculous bonds like commandments, moral rules, words like “chastity.” They shout: “We’re free!” Yet they whisper: “Why are we so miserable?”
It is no coincidence that the top two prescribed drugs at our state university’s health center are anti-depressants and the birth-control pill. Our young women are showing up to a very different version of “college life” than that of the previous generation. One woman, while in her freshman year, went to her health center because she feared she had bronchitis. In perusing her “health history,” the physician said, “I see here that you are a virgin.” “Um, yes,” she responded, wondering what that fact might have to do with her persistent cough. “Would you like to be referred for counseling about that?” This student came to me to ask if I thought she should, in fact, consider her virginity—at the age of eighteen—a psychological issue. (I said no.)
You’re not liberated, ladies, you’re being used. I can’t be the only person proud of Luke P. for wanting more in a wife.
Megan Fox is the author of “Believe Evidence; The death of due process from Salome to #MeToo. Follow her on Twitter @MeganFoxWriter