Election 2020

Sleepy Joe Biden Signals to Aides: Don't Worry About Me Being Old and Confused, I'll Only Serve One Term!

Former Vice President Joe Biden addresses the Human Rights Campaign National Dinner in Washington, D.C., on Sept. 15, 2018. (AP Photo/Cliff Owen)

In what is actually a hilarious report over at Politico, several aides to Joe Biden have been told by the former vice president that he’s only in it for one term, or four years. If he’s elected, he’s “signaling” to them, he’ll be happy to hand over the keys to the White House to his VP once his first (and only) term is up.

According to the left-wing website, Biden and his top advisers are considering making a public pledge about the matter. The idea is that, if he tells radical-leftist voters he’s only prepared to serve one term because he’s so old and frail, they may be willing to accept him over, say, Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders. So basically he could tell them: “You may hate me, but hey, I’m only going to be your president for four years. After that, feel free to vote in your favorite loony-left weirdo.”

As one adviser tells Politico, “If Biden is elected, he’s going to be 82 years old in four years and he won’t be running for reelection.” Apparently, he has said as much to his top advisers and aides. “This makes Biden a good transition figure,” the adviser went on to say, “I’d love to have an election this year for the next generation of leaders, but if I have to wait four years [in order to] to get rid of Trump, I’m willing to do it.”

However, there is a problem. By making a public pledge, Biden and some of his advisers fear he’ll end up weakening himself if elected. John Podesta, Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign chairman, explains: “I think who his vice president is will be very important because people will be thinking about that. But I don’t think I would make a one-term pledge. You’ve disempowered yourself as president and I don’t think it helps you as a candidate. It accentuates your weakness. It doesn’t fix it.”

According to Politico, though, there’s little debate among Biden’s advisers about the question of whether he’s willing to run again in 2024: he’s not. He’s old, he knows he’s old, and he knows everybody else knows he’s old. He’s not going to run for reelection. If he wins, it’ll be one term, after which he’ll retire and move into a nursing home. Although, thinking about it, he may actually move there during his first term.

In any case, if there are any voters out there who fear Biden will become even more demented during his presidency: don’t fear! He’s only going to ruin the country for four years. After that, he’ll move on to staring at aquariums and smelling fake flowers!