Since we’re now electing celebrities as POTUS, I’m assuming the 2020 presidential election is going to look like a version of Celebrity Big Brother. Every C-list celeb yearning for B-list status is going to be tempted by the allure of face-time on CNN. Every B-list celeb wanting to catch the eye of A-list agents will view the campaign trail as an extended audition. And every A-list celeb who takes him or herself too seriously, which, to be frank, is all of them, will be convinced by the yes-men they’ve surrounded themselves with that they, too, could … nay, should be the leader of the free world.
Whether #NeverTrump cuckservatives, Alt-Right “conservatives,” or those weak-kneed conservatives who are still desperately attempting to convince family and friends that they’re not the Alt-Right and that they just voted for President Trump as the lesser of two evils, we can all agree that the above scenario is a nightmare that is all too possible. As a way to head off the worst of the worst of the possible celeb-fueled 2020 presidential election nightmare scenarios, I’ve ranked the five celebs who wouldn’t be as bad as, say, Lena Dunham or Eddie Vedder. Come on, Democrats, if you’re going to run a celeb in 2020, pick one of the following five, please.
5. LeBron James
Until last season, I think the Dems would probably have been wary of nominating LeBron James. This joke says it best: “What happens if you ask LeBron for change for a dollar? He’ll give you three quarters.” Disappearing in the final quarter of the 2020 presidential election would ensure the Dems an even more embarrassing loss than in 2016. Now, however, after his improbable comeback in the 2016 NBA Finals, it’s safe to say that LeBron has put the “choker” label to rest. Plus, he seems like a genuinely nice guy who actually cares about people. Granted, his politics are beyond suspect, but he is a liberal, after all. However, it should be noted that he’s also a successful business owner who is focused on becoming even more successful. When push comes to shove, maybe just maybe, LeBron would pay closer attention to economic theories that actually help business owners create more wealth than to the economic theories of the left. As a bonus, it would be comforting knowing that our president could physically best every other world leader if needed.
4. Sandra Bullock
Once called “America’s Sweetheart,” Sandra Bullock seems fairly innocuous, as far as movie stars go. Unlike Meryl Streep and Madonna, Bullock is a leftist who seems to place very little value on ostracizing half of her fan base. Maybe that common-sense approach to her celebrity would translate to the ability to work with the Republicans in Congress. By way of possible platforms, I once had an almost five-minute conversation with Sandra Bullock about oranges. The lady knows her citrus. Bullock’s love and knowledge of citrus would go a long way in helping the Dems win Florida. A feat they failed to do in 2016.
3. Jimmy Kimmel
For all I know, Jimmy Kimmel is a Republican. Considering his level of success in Hollywood, though, I highly doubt it. Regardless of his politics, Kimmel is the one late-night host that doesn’t irk half of the country. (Actually, that’s not completely true. The other Jimmy, you know, Fallon, irks the entire country with his drunk college freshman shtick.) Plus, Kimmel is actually funny and self-deprecating in a way that is honest and not in a “look at me being self-deprecating, aren’t I precious?” way like the liberal hero Jon Stewart. If nothing else, Kimmel’s debates with Donald Trump would provide both sides with needed belly laughs.
2. Tom Hanks
Of course, the Dems have to consider Tom Hanks. I’m willing to bet that middle America is filled with lovers of Apollo 13, Toy Story, and Sully who mistakenly believe that Tom Hanks is a Republican. I mean, someone that likable doesn’t really scream “Democrat!” As a conservative, I definitely wouldn’t vote for Hanks, but I’d have a hard time being angry at any fellow conservatives who mistakenly did. As a bonus, Esquire’s hit piece on Tom Hanks for simply stating “We are going to be all right” in reference to Trump’s victory will serve to bolster Hanks’ image among the remaining adults left in this country.
1. George Clooney
A friend who is a highly placed political appointee in the DOJ begged me not to write this article. He fears that the Dems will read it and decide it’s a good idea to run George Clooney for president in 2020. And that’s because it is a good idea, if you’re a Dem, that is. If you’re a Republican, the thought of George Clooney taking it seriously should worry you. My PJ editors refused to finance any polling for this article, so I can’t be too sure, but I imagine that Clooney’s favorability ratings are through the roof. All he would have to do is not say anything too crazy, stay center-left, and smile at the camera a lot. George Clooney is a liberal activist, to be sure, but after watching this last year’s presidential election, can anyone honestly say that this charismatic, very likable charmer wouldn’t have a shot at winning? One final thought: I fully expect President Clooney to give me my friend’s job at the DOJ as a “thank you” for getting the ball rolling on Clooney for President 2020.