Election 2020

Elizabeth Warren Tells Heartwarming Anecdote About Taking Half of a Supporter's Money

(AP Photo/Steven Senne)

Unless something unforeseen happens — which it still could, because that’s what “unforeseen” means — Elizabeth Warren isn’t going to be the Democratic nominee for president in 2020. This is bad news for fans of comedy, but good news for everybody else. Even a cuck RINO traitor like me, who has given up caring about anything and is only in this to watch the chaos, wouldn’t prefer that walking disaster. Warren is basically a more ambulatory, less trustworthy Hillary Clinton.

But Fauxcahontas still has her fans. According to her, at least. And they’re selflessly devoted to her, if you believe this anecdote she just told:

Warren 2020: Hey, She’ll Only Take Half

If I were a multimillionaire running for president, and somebody with $6 in the bank offered me literally half her savings, I wouldn’t take it. I’d thank her for her support and tell her to keep her money. Hell, I might even give her a $20 and tell her to get herself a nice hot meal.

Then I’d get back on my private jet.

But I’m not a multimillionaire and I’m not running for president. Yet somehow I have the same number of New Hampshire delegates as Elizabeth Warren.

Of course, this is assuming the conversation Warren describes here even happened at all. She could’ve concocted the whole thing, just as she’s done with pretty much everything else she’s ever told us. If she’s willing to lie about resigning from her first teaching job because she was pregnant, if she’ll even lie about her race, why wouldn’t she make up this story too?

Nevertheless, Warren is persisting. I hope she stays in the race as long as possible, because it’s funnier that way. At least we’ll get some fun Trump tweets out of it.