Election 2020

Biden: 'We Could Run Mickey Mouse Against This President and Have a Shot'

Democratic presidential candidate former Vice President Joe Biden at a caucus night campaign rally on Monday, Feb. 3, 2020, in Des Moines, Iowa with Jill Biden. (AP Photo/John Locher)

There’s a rule of thumb I’ve noticed over the years: Democrats want Republicans to shut up, and Republicans want Democrats to keep talking. This is particularly applicable whenever former Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. opens his big yap. He’s one of the few candidates who’s been keeping this whole thing from being completely boring, because you just never know what he’ll say next. Even he doesn’t know what he’ll say next. And he doesn’t seem to realize what he just said after he says it. But odds are it’ll be completely embarrassing and counterproductive to his campaign.

The examples just within the past week are far too numerous to count — “Lying dog-faced pony soldier,” anyone? — but here’s Joe’s latest brain-fart from just this morning:

Well, it worked in 2016. How could anybody lose to that clown, right?

Is anybody else starting to get the feeling that Joe doesn’t really want this? Think about what he just said. It’s a good applause line in a room full of Trump-haters, but what is he really telling the rest of us? These are the Democratic primaries. Biden is trying to make the case that he’ll be the best candidate. Better than Bernie and Pete and Pocahontas and whoever else is left. But if anybody with a (D) after his or her name can beat Trump, even Mickey Mouse, then… why do the Dems need to pick Joe Biden? If he’s the “electability candidate,” why is he now saying they’re all electable? Didn’t he just undercut his own message?

Does Joe Biden even know where he is and what he’s supposed to be doing? I’m not being mean. I honestly don’t think he does. This is starting to look like elder abuse.

And now comes the next part of this cycle: Joe’s surrogates trying to explain to the public what he really meant. Whatever he’s paying them, it’s not nearly enough.

Well, once Joe fails to become the next president of the United States, maybe he can be a spokesman for Disney. Jeff Goldblum has a show on Disney Plus, so why not give Joe his own show? Malarkey with Joe Biden. I’d watch that.

P.S. It’s not often that I say this, but maybe Joe Biden is right!