Video NSFW- you’ve been warned.
Ok, I confess: I’ve had this nasty little habit since I was a kid of blaming someone else for my own dissatisfaction, misfortune or bad decision-making. The human being in me strives to create this perfect self-image and that requires making someone else take the blame. Apparently, I’m not alone. For example, tons of feminists have been placing the blame for their own rotten attitude toward sex on guys for decades. Take, for instance, Alana Massey writing for the Guardian asserting that the “male orgasm” is the “ultimate purpose of sex,” therefore hook-up culture, as well as sex in general, stinks for women.
No. If your sex stinks, it’s your fault. Either you didn’t pay the prostitute enough, or you’re just not that into it. And if it’s the latter perhaps you should be learning a thing or two from the guy you’re with, because apparently he’s got the right idea in mind. You, on the other hand, you Ms. Feminist with all your fancy theorists and activists who have beaten you over the head with your dime-store dildo until you’ve submitted to the twisted notion that all men are evil by virtue of their phallus, you are the one who is confused in the head. Of course, this is why your sex stinks. Sex is mental before it is ever physical. If you’ve already been poisoned against your partner, how can you possibly hope to enjoy your encounter?
Commenting on Massey’s essay, Tracy Moore at Jezebel concludes that women are, by our very nature, incompatible with hook-up culture, because our sex drive relies on communication. In other words, men are great at hook-ups because they don’t like to talk. Therefore, in the most hypocritical moment in pop feminist history, Moore concludes:
Like everything that involves giving women pleasure or true equality—the wage gap, the domestic labor gap—we need men to pick up the slack.
Let me get this straight: Hook-up culture is devoid of communication, because communication is an essential element of relationship culture. But, instead of advocating for a return to a monogamous dating scene, the feminists at Jezebel demand that hook-up culture be re-defined to suit a woman’s emotional needs. In other words, prefer our sex to be a little more Nicholas Sparks and a little less Debbie Does Dallas, but please keep the entire encounter to 90 minutes or less, snacks and cuddling optional. The feminist bottom line: hook-up culture with its lack of emotional fulfillment and sexual boredom could be made better if we just drew our inspiration from Lifetime instead of the Playboy Channel.
I’m pretty sure Moore and Massey laid out their feminist talking points with the intention of improving hook-up culture. Instead, they turned it into the equivalent of a bad TV movie of the week. When the foundational belief fueling your ideology is that men are inherently wrong, you’re never going to get it right. If your hook-ups stink, you either need to re-think your approach to sex or simply consider the idea that hook-ups just may not suit your womanly biological needs.
Then again, you’d have to regard gender as a biological, not a social construct. That is, at least if you want to enjoy sex and, as Moore pointed out, fix the economy. How ironic that the one group women need to repair everything from sex to the economy is… men. Reminds me of a Womynist observation from one of my favorite college films PCU: “You mean, if you’re nice to them, they bring you stuff?”
Respecting biology and men doesn’t make you a bad feminist; it makes you a female realist which is exactly what this clichéd movement really needs. At least if it wants to enjoy getting laid.