Why All the Smart People Say Obama Is a Great President
Yes, right now things may not look so good. Joblessness is still on the rise, huge debt threatens us, Iran and North Korea are going after nuclear weapons unmolested, and now racist children-haters are trying to convince you that health care reform will be a huge, horrible boondoggle. But if you get worried, you just need to remind yourself that Obama is really, really smart. Everyone who is smart says so. So if things he does, like support the re-installation of a socialist proto-dictator in Honduras, seem strange and confusing to you, that’s just because you’re trying to understand it with your stupid brain. If you had Obama’s smart brain, you’d understand how this will all work out in the end.
Many of you have blind faith in your invisible sky fairy, which science proves does not exist, so why can you not have faith in Obama (who is real) and all the things that smart people believe in? And did Jesus ever promise you free health care? Sure, some claim that Jesus healed a few people, but Obama is going to heal everyone with his free health care. And he also promises the new health care programs will somehow lower debt and create jobs. As any smart person using logic will tell you, that’s way more miraculous than anything Jesus did. So why not give Obama your unquestioning devotion?
You don’t need to understand how increased spending will help a country in debt or how increased taxes on energy will help a failing economy, you only need to know that Obama is much, much smarter than you. So obviously his solutions will work much better than anything you troglodytes would think he should do. If you could just have blind faith in Obama’s brilliance, you wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
To help you with that, Obama has started having “Look How Smart I Am” parades through various cities so everyone can see how smart he is. If you are smart, then Obama should appear very smart to you. It seems like a good idea, but the last one was marred when some kid yelled out, “The emperor has no brain!” and started laughing at the bucket stuck on Obama’s head. As I’ve explained before, Obama isn’t an emperor -- yet -- and the reason he had a bucket stuck on his head is that he was quite curious whether his head could fit inside it. Smart people get curious about many different things. If you were smart, you’d recognize that a bucket stuck on his head is in fact a symbol of his genius. And you’d stop laughing at him.
Why do I even try to explain these things to you idiots! How about this: If Obama is as dumb and inexperienced as you think he is, then how did he get elected president? Ha! Explain that one, dummy!