Why All the Smart People Say Obama Is a Great President

We have a lot of problems in this country. Much of that is because the previous president was a violent moron who could barely even function in polite society; he probably tried to bomb the economy when he felt it threaten him. He also liked it when children went without necessary medical attention because that made him laugh.

Luckily, before President Bush could kill us all, President Obama came to save us. All the smart people instantly recognized him as a genius and a savior, but Obama also had the wisdom to use simple phrases like "Yes we can!" that stupid people like you could also understand. Assuaged by those words, you dimwits loosened your grips on your guns and religion, and Obama became president. It seemed soon all our problems would be solved with no interference, but it was not to be so.

Polls show majorities of people now doubting Obama's policies on health care and the economy, but if you polled only really smart people, one hundred percent of them would say that everyone who doubts Obama is an ugly, stupid moron who should choke on his own vomit and die. Obama came to save you, and you ungrateful simpletons now wish to stop him? Obama is a man so obviously smart that all smart people know he's smart, yet dummies like you now think you know better? It’s like everyone has suddenly become racist again and decided to hate Obama.

Let me tell you something: You people elected Obama on few specifics. His nifty catch phrases and elegant teleprompter reading were all you needed. And you didn’t care that he had no real previous experience because you knew he wasn’t some fool who would fritter away his accomplishments before becoming president and was instead smart enough to save his accomplishing things until after becoming president. So what happened? Where did your blind faith go?

I guess once again it's time to explain things simply to you easily panicked idiots: Obama will still solve all of your problems just as he promised. He will get you jobs and free health care and stop other countries from being mean and hating us. All he asks of you is that you not question him. That's all. Nothing more. Except maybe some of your money, but it's just money you hillbillies would have spent on stupid things you don't need like NASCAR races and chewing tobacco.