Why Obama Should Be Re-Elected

* It’ll be a much simpler edit to Wikipedia. If a new guy is elected president, someone will have to go to his Wikipedia page and add the current president template and start an article about his cabinet -- a lot of work for whoever it is that does that sort of thing. But if we keep Obama as president, they can just keep his page labeling him the incumbent and add an extra section saying, "2012 Election: Won it!" With all the spare time the Wikipedia editors will have, maybe they can get girlfriends.

* Reduced chance of another war. It's estimated that if we have a Republican president, there will be a 74% chance we'll start another war by 2016. If Obama remains president, it's only a 68% chance. So if you don't like war, do the math there. It’s an easy decision.

* We’ll keep unemployment from being 8%. If Obama is still president, his policies will make sure we don't see that dreaded 8% unemployment rate for another four years, and he'll do another stimulus or two to ensure that if he has to.

* We'll finally find out what happens if we keep adding to our debt. We've added to the nation's debt for so long now, and it doesn't seem like much has happened so far. Still, many people say something awful will eventually happen. I say, though, if we get our debt high enough, we all win prizes. If Obama has another term, we'll go full speed ahead and find out who's right.

* It would be unfair to have him in the job market right now. So many people are unemployed and can't find work, and we want to add someone else to the job market for them to compete against? That's just mean. How would you feel if you were trying to get the one open register position at Walmart and then found out you were up against the former president of the Unites States of America? What chance would you have there?

* We can't really afford to have a presidential election anyway. Presidential elections are costly; we'd probably have to raise the debt limit again to afford one, and Obama might not feel like doing that again. Better just to skip the election and keep him and avoid all the hassle.

So, when you look at all that Obama's done and all the many advantages to keeping him as president, why are people even talking about an election? It's crazy. It's a done deal; we'll keep Obama, and all those GOP candidates they keep trotting out can just give it up and go live in Crazy Town. We have a dynamic president who does stuff and spends money and wears a suit and just looks so presidenty all the time -- for what possible reason would we want anyone else?

By the way, is Crazy Town a real town? Do you know if they have jobs there?