Whom Will Barack Blame for His Olympic-Sized Failure?

Although not a trained dancer, I could not help but experiment with a few steps of the samba upon hearing the news that Rio de Janeiro won its bid for the Olympic Games of 2016. I rejoiced as if I were in the stands seconds after a goal was scored during Euro 2008. Of course, I am pleased that South America finally got a chance to host an Olympics of its own, but of paramount importance to me was that my own city, Chicago, lost.

When I first heard the news I gave fist bumps to Democratic associates, in the hopes that they would channel some bonhomie towards those “citizens of the world” they imagine to be their friends. Luckily, Friday produced little suspense. The city of big shoulders got flattened in the first round, buzz-killed by dark horses Tokyo and Madrid. The second round found the Japanese capital eliminated and the final ballot left Rio alone atop the winner’s bracket.

Hurrah! Denizens of the Windy City have been saved from seven continuous years of moronic hype, hiked taxes, and massively increased congestion. If that isn’t cause enough to give thanks, I don’t know what is. Never did irrelevance feel so good.

Political ramifications yielded added benefit. The IOC bloodletting made Barack Obama -- who soon may be regarded as the worst president in American history -- look like the dissociative bumbler many of us know him to be.

The president put his prodigious ego on the line only to have it flailed like an intelligent student in a women’s studies class. At Copenhagen, Barack came, saw, emoted, and got duly slaughtered.

Even his omnipotent teleprompter couldn’t have put a positive spin on the happenings. The tallies from the early elimination round read as follows: Madrid 28, Tokyo 22, Rio 21, and Chicago 18.

On paper, though, it’s hard to know where my former senator erred. Obama and the first lady did everything by the book (of Axelrod).

They flew at great taxpayer expense to visit their fellow bureaucratic elites, dressed well, ascended the speaker’s podium gracefully, and Oprahcized in their heralded confessional style.

They even brought the genuine article, Oprah Winfrey, to lobby committee members on their behalf. As if that were not enough, Michelle Obama even played the guilt card by making sure that the delegates knew how big of “a sacrifice” it was for her to attend and have to stay in some crummy five-star hotel.

Put yourself in her $540 shoes. You’d whine too. In light of Princeton disappointing her, imagine the degradation inherent to slumming around B-list Denmark.

To place an exclamation point on their bid, the administration brought in the ultimate closer -- America’s Marquess of Quisenberry -- to “seal the deal” and, more importantly, to enhance the esteem of the inhabitants of our latter-day Tammany Hall.

His speech was standard. No detail was spared as Obama spoke of Obama. He expounded upon his love for his wife, the city they share, our area’s diversity, the Hog Butcher of the World’s unity via parade, and the convenience of the games being held so close to Hyde Park (thereby ensuring that The One attends).

He alluded to his greatness as a surefire means of bonding with foreigners. He reminisced that last year “people from every corner of the world gathered in the city of Chicago or in front of their televisions to watch” him beat an ossified RINO in the election.

With references like that it’s a wonder they didn’t make him president of the European Union as an afterthought. The committee’s rejection still puzzles. Obama United even made it clear that their combined “sales pitch” was all about them.

What more can you ask for? What happened? Golly, these internationals are a fickle lot. What was flawed about the first couple’s song of themselves?

In 2008, Obama intoxicated over half of the American electorate via perpetual self-reference and told the story of his life repeatedly.

I guess that while the Narcissus strategy definitely works here, for some reason the politics of hyper-verbal self-absorption fail to enthrall there. The lesson to learn from this imbroglio is that one should bloviate locally but samba globally.

Yet whom will Obama blame? He can’t possibly indict himself. That would be like holding a shoplifter responsible for theft. Democrats don’t do that sort of thing. Well, how about Chicago then?

After all, it was said that Obama went to Denmark to make an “unprecedented pitch for his hometown.” Thus, turning on our “toddling town” might be a profitable play.

However, that line is dicey, as many of my fellow Chicagoans joined me in being against the Olympics, a.k.a. the importation of (yet more) chaos to the shores of Lake Michigan.

Support for the venture eroded over time. One September poll cited 47 percent “for” hosting the games and 45 percent “against.” Sadly, our shire gradually realized that a 2016 month-long soiree would break us.

How about Mayor Daley and his band of free-spending kleptocrats? Ah, in a word, no. That’s a non-starter. President Obama will need Al Franken-esqe service from the mayor if he expects to win again in 2012.

Of almost last resort is the ever-oppressive, “downright mean” United States of America. Some are fingering our country already. My current senator, Roland Burris, has applied for the shovel-ready Obama defense project by directly transferring fault to George W. Bush.

Castigating America is entirely in keeping with Obama’s essence. He’s turned criticism of nation both into an art form and an alternative lifestyle. The press has embraced this angle.

Perhaps our master’s failure really is our own. What better can one expect from “a nation of cowards”? Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky have not yet weighed in, but it’s only a matter of time.

The president’s reflexive villains, Republican politicians, are a bit of a reach on this one even for a skilled fabricator. Unlike with the health care debate -- wherein GOP votes are entirely superfluous to the outcome -- the Republicans had no representatives on the IOC or within a thousand miles of Scandinavia.

Yet this eventuality hasn’t prevented leftist commentators from trying to implicate them anyway. In the final analysis, there seems to be no one left to lie to. President Obama only has himself to blame. His sweeping transatlantic haymaker resulted in only himself being carried off the canvas.

Kids should learn from this. When you make everything about you, sooner or later it becomes all about you. U.S. News had it right when it labeled his Copenhagen excursion an “unforced error.”

The president got what he deserved. His personal involvement made the IOC’s decision historic. It marked the second time in a week that the world witnessed what a complete nebbish we have as our commander-in-chief.

It won’t be long before even senseless people begin to think of the word “clown” after hearing Barack Obama’s name. Indeed, even leftist NBC and Saturday Night Live -- so far over the hill that it ought to rename itself the Jimmy Carter Library and Museum -- ridiculed him over his Olympian double fault.

Granted, defeat will not cure our subject of his narcissism or end fears over future lost freedoms. However, it is hoped that the miscue will unscramble at least a few of the moderate brains who bought into his hope and distortion last November.

Let us be supportive of those confused drones independents and encourage them to learn from their mistakes, though it is readily conceded that President Obama never will.