Where Do Leftists Come From?

Here we may have come upon the real explanation for the leftist and liberal orientation in the human mind. Since it is so not amendable to the lessons of experience and persists in opposition to the indisputable verities of political life, it must owe its vigor and longevity to a different chemical architecture at the very source of its engendering. Socialism is likely the product of a shadow biosphere and may have taken root in the halomonadaceae family of bacteria, from which it evolved into such notable, arsenic-based life-forms as Karl Marx, Saul Alinsky, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, José Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, George Soros, and even Barack Obama. Lounge liberals and lesser creatures like Frank Rich of the New York Times, Chris Matthews of MSNBC, or Aluf Benn of Haaretz would merely have lower concentrations of arsenic in their DNA.

We can go further. Extrapolating from these fascinating facts, the orientation in question may hypothetically derive from some unknown, prehistoric meteor shower carrying alien molecular arrangements to earth, bio-morphs capable of absorbing huge amounts of toxicity. It is indeed possible, we are told, that the original microbes “absolutely need arsenic to survive.” These chunks from outer space might be fragments of Saturn’s moon Titan, where arsenic is one of the predominant constituents. A discovery of this magnitude unveils new ways of thinking about so flourishing an order of quasi-human life as the confederacy of the left, which I propose we classify as the family vita sinistra.

We live in truly amazing times, vibrant with unexpected discoveries. Such a mutation, if that is what it is, would go a long way to clearing up the once-insoluble mystery of the existence of the liberal-left among us. Some will no doubt find it comforting to learn that we are not alone. Extra-terrestrial life has always been here and SETI can now turn its gaze earthward to examine the galactic specimens we have long wondered about. The shadow biosphere, which in the course of evolutionary time gradually developed into a pervasive and anthropocidal psychosphere, is still a theory. But it accounts for much that continues to puzzle us about the various noxious manifestations of hominid-type behavior.