Volunteer for Obama... Or Else!
DATE: August 13, 2008
TO: The Inner Circle, The Disciples
SUBJECT: That hateful partisan story in today's Rocky Mountain News
From the Desk of David Axelrod
Chief Media Consultant
Obama for America 2008
We've got trouble.
Somehow media hack Kevin Vaughn found out about The One's requirement that those who wish to hear Him give His acceptance speech must put in six hours of "volunteer" work. Here's what one of our devotees was quoted saying.
"My whole reason why I'm so mad about it is because Democrats need to act like Democrats," said Heather Kreider, a working mother from Centennial.
"Democrats work for a living, and they have to work and take care of their families. And they say these are open to those in the community, so they shouldn't ask people to drop everything in their lives for this," Kreider said Tuesday.
"It's not fair. It's elitist. And they need to practice what they're preaching," she added.
You can see the whole story but it's just more of the same. We look bad, and The One doesn't look good either.
Worse, Vaughn claims that "Arbeit macht tickets" won't even guarantee a ticket, just a shot at getting one. Is that right? This was Hildrebrand's idea wasn't it? Brilliant! (Way better than that stupid "viral" hand gesture thing Patti came up with. Like a giant vagina is going to help us with the white male vote. Send her back to the Clintons, ASAP.) How many extra workers will we get for those tix? Two for each? Three? But it sure doesn't make us look good now that it's gotten out. We've got to get things cleared up, pronto. If that means losing some "volunteers," then so be it. Also, this is going to require a BIG press offensive, and I want nothing but facts out there this time, OK?
I've come up with three points. Don't deviate.
DETAIL: It is NOT true that devotees who want a picture of The One must rake his lawn. That's only if they want it autographed. But don't mention that last part. Also don't mention that thing with the yard signs we had printed up in China. Who knew how flammable those were going to be? Anyway, stick to the denial, and don't elaborate under any condition. The Boss has gotten into trouble doing just that (remember His promise to meet all those dictators?); we don't need to make more trouble for Him.
DENY: Not every DNC attendee will have to detail His car. Just the ones who insist on wearing stupid hats and anything in excess of three (tastefully sized; see my 4/20/08 memo) lapel pins. It's also not true Clinton delegates will be forced to park their cars right next to the Designated Protest Pen. The Clintons caught wind of that idea when Plouffe first floated it -- find that mole! -- and so now we've got to let BOTH of them speak during His convention. The Democratic Party doesn't belong to the Clintons anymore, and we can't give them any chances to make people forget that it's ours.
DISTRACT: Those gun-toting religious nuts at Focus on the Family down in Colorado Springs stepped in it, too. They had an announcement on their website asking all their people to "pray for rain" on the night of The One's big speech. Remind the cattle, gently, that Mile High isn't a dome, and do they really want to get their nice hair and suits wet? The fuss got so bad at Focus that they took down the page. Tell the cattle -- er, press -- to "focus" on THAT. (ABC News is already carrying water for us on this one. If you thought The Note was in the bag for Lurch in '04, wait'll you see what Rick Klein has hinted he'll do for US in the next 90 days.
Remember, it's vital we keep a lid on this. I don't want to see this all over the web tomorrow. The Clintons are paying dearly for their own leaked memos at The Atlantic, and that's not the kind of trouble we need this close to His ascension.
Stick to the script!
Pajamas Media hasn't been able to verify to our complete satisfaction the authenticity of this document. But we figure, if it's good enough for CBS News...