Volunteer for Obama... Or Else!
DETAIL: It is NOT true that devotees who want a picture of The One must rake his lawn. That's only if they want it autographed. But don't mention that last part. Also don't mention that thing with the yard signs we had printed up in China. Who knew how flammable those were going to be? Anyway, stick to the denial, and don't elaborate under any condition. The Boss has gotten into trouble doing just that (remember His promise to meet all those dictators?); we don't need to make more trouble for Him.
DENY: Not every DNC attendee will have to detail His car. Just the ones who insist on wearing stupid hats and anything in excess of three (tastefully sized; see my 4/20/08 memo) lapel pins. It's also not true Clinton delegates will be forced to park their cars right next to the Designated Protest Pen. The Clintons caught wind of that idea when Plouffe first floated it -- find that mole! -- and so now we've got to let BOTH of them speak during His convention. The Democratic Party doesn't belong to the Clintons anymore, and we can't give them any chances to make people forget that it's ours.
DISTRACT: Those gun-toting religious nuts at Focus on the Family down in Colorado Springs stepped in it, too. They had an announcement on their website asking all their people to "pray for rain" on the night of The One's big speech. Remind the cattle, gently, that Mile High isn't a dome, and do they really want to get their nice hair and suits wet? The fuss got so bad at Focus that they took down the page. Tell the cattle -- er, press -- to "focus" on THAT. (ABC News is already carrying water for us on this one. If you thought The Note was in the bag for Lurch in '04, wait'll you see what Rick Klein has hinted he'll do for US in the next 90 days.
Remember, it's vital we keep a lid on this. I don't want to see this all over the web tomorrow. The Clintons are paying dearly for their own leaked memos at The Atlantic, and that's not the kind of trouble we need this close to His ascension.
Stick to the script!
Pajamas Media hasn't been able to verify to our complete satisfaction the authenticity of this document. But we figure, if it's good enough for CBS News...