The Truth of the Jewish Conspiracy Revealed
"Them Jews ain't going to let him talk to me."
You just can't trust them Jews. I should know; I'm one of them. But I must confess that I have become weary of lurking in the shadows, plotting against the very people who have so graciously welcomed me into the bosom of the nation, plying my conspiratorial will to destabilize the economy, as did my good friend Bernie Madoff, and lobbying hard to undermine the national interest, as John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt so astutely discerned in their insightful and groundbreaking book, The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy. And I must admit, too, that I have never liked the taste of the blood of Christian children and long ago forswore the practice of draining their little bodies to make my Passover matzot.
Yes, I have grown sick and depressed intriguing against all and sundry, as I have been taught by the masters of the Torah, but especially against so beneficent a nation as the United States of America. I have experienced a change of heart. Not only will I now cease my nefarious activities but I will reveal to my fellow countrymen the sinister magnitude of the Jewish plot against the weal of the nation. President Obama's former pastor of choice, Jeremiah Wright, was perfectly correct in suspecting our motives, though he failed to recognize the scope and nature of our recent electoral project.
It is no secret that somewhere between 78% and 83% of Jewish Americans cast their vote for Barack Obama. It is well known that organizations such as J Street, the Israel Policy Forum, the Union of Reform Judaism, the Jewish Voice for Peace, the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association, Brit Tzedek V'Shalom, or the Jewish Alliance for Justice, and Rabbis for Obama, among many others, brought their institutional clout to bear in order to support Obama's run for the White House. All this, my friends, is no accident.
We Jews are a sly and surreptitious people. It pains me to admit this, but candor compels. We have understood that the best way to bring America to its knees, to weaken its will to survive, to cleverly turn it against itself, was to do everything in our considerable arsenal of means to deliver the White House to Barack Obama. We knew that once he assumed the reins of power, the United States would begin to crumble and that we could then continue our march to world domination, as disclosed in The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, over the decaying cadaver of this once-proud country. There would be no stopping us in our progress toward universal supremacy.