The Real Reason Liberals Hate Us

And you can try and reason with liberals, gently telling them, "You're a complete and utter moron. Everything works a million times better without your idiotic meddling," but this does very little to assuage their fears. They just think to themselves, "If only I could control everything through the government, we'd all be safe and secure." And then liberals see the one thing between them and their goal -- conservatives -- and they lash out like a Chihuahua at shoelaces.

And it's not just that we conservatives stand between them and government control. We also stir up fear and hatred in them by actually practicing liberty ourselves. For instance, liberals would almost -- almost -- be okay with us just thinking to ourselves that liberty is better than government control, but then we have the audacity to say it out loud. Liberals freak out at this, because they worry about such ideas spreading and more people wanting horrible, horrible freedom. So you can see how these ideas spreading to talk radio completely terrorizes liberals. No wonder they lash out and try to stop that with the Fairness Doctrine. But even worse, their monopoly on TV news ended with the emergence of Fox News. Now every moment of every day, they fear that more people are being influenced into accepting horrifying freedom, and all they can think about is some new feeble scheme to try and stop it.

Of course, speech isn't the only scary freedom conservatives employ. We also like owning and even carrying guns. That's unspeakably scary to a liberal. An individual -- not under the direct control of their government -- having such power? That's the sort of liberty that makes them lose bladder control. They're used to criminals having guns -- that's just what criminals do -- but the thought of an honest citizen being armed is incomprehensible to them. And people lash out with fear and hate against what they don't understand. As do liberals.

So that's why liberals hate us -- because we like freedom. Our rugged individualism is always going to be a direct threat to their sissy collectivism, and for that they shall continue to hate us and lash out at us. Being so useless themselves, they just don't understand our wanting to take care of ourselves, and thus we see their screeching and general derangement.

So can conservatives and liberals learn to live together? No, not really, but it's not like we can get rid of them. I mean, we could try putting out some PSA saying that playing in traffic reduces your carbon footprint, but I don't think all of them would fall for it. But it's good to note that the more we speak about freedom, the more scared liberals get. So if we all preach liberty enough, maybe they'll all go away.