The Golden Age of Being Offended

Right now, tomorrow's progressives are on college campuses being trained to have a sensitivity to offense far beyond normal human senses. With trigger warnings, safe spaces, and advanced microaggression-detection techniques, they have become so sensitive that the slightest breeze out of place will shatter them into pieces and leave them gibbering, offended messes that will take years of expensive therapy to put back together. They are so tolerant and understanding of others that they can't ever hope to function in normal society without constant mental breakdowns caused by the huge offenses that only they are trained enough to see.

And with this course we're on, think of what the future will be like. We will evolve to be so tolerant that there will be nothing left that doesn’t offend us. We will search the streets for anyone enjoying themselves, and when we find such fiends, we'll scream at them, "How dare you?! How can you smile when there is so much that is offensive everywhere? What sick kind of bigot are you that you can enjoy life for even a moment?"

Soon everyone will shuffle along silently, staring at their feet to try to avoid the screaming and protests. But it won't work -- we will be offended by the silence. We will screech at the day and be enraged by the night. We will have such finely honed senses for offense that you can lock us in a sensory deprivation chamber, and we will still find things to rage against. And when absolutely everything a human can utter or do is found to be a grave offense, we will turn to the animal world and learn to communicate with them -- find out what they have to say and then scream at that. And when there is nothing left on Earth that doesn’t enrage us, we will turn to space. We will explore the deepest, darkest corners of the universe and shout and wave placards at them.

Eventually, all of creation -- all of reality -- everything conceivable and everything imaginable will be declared offensive. We will do nothing but scream constantly. We will have no feelings but anger -- except for the few fleeting moments of happiness when we have discovered yet a new thing that offends us.

And then we will have true tolerance and understanding.