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PJ Media encourages you to read our updated PRIVACY POLICY and COOKIE POLICY.

The Equal Earth Amendment

Then there is the extremely troubling Lilly Ledbetter question which is left unaddressed here. The Earth puts in all sorts of work on the behalf of humanity, ranging from what amounts to stoop labor in the form of watering crops on six continents to high end environmental engineering where it filters vast amounts of our waste. How is it that the planet has yet to receive a single paycheck for all this? Clearly reparations are due, even if it bankrupts every industrial nation in the world.

The Bolivian proposal also puts mining and similar activities under greater scrutiny. After all, you can’t just have a bunch of sweaty men in hard hats poking and prodding into the Earth’s various orifices without so much as a by your leave, can you? When this activity is viewed alongside the many dubious chemical cocktails we’ve dumped into the ground over the years it becomes obvious that some sort of date rape scenario has been taking place. A simple allocation of money and voting rights may not be enough here. All of humanity is probably in line to spend a few years in jail.

As usual, though, the denizens of Turtle Bay are on track to place all the blame on mankind while ignoring the bigger picture. It’s not just homo sapiens who are pillaging the planet, but life forms of all kinds. Every plant that grows has, for billions of years, been robbing Mother Earth of valuable minerals as well as water. The time for payback is at hand and, as such, I propose that the United Nations include an extensive program of defoliation to put an end to the plundering. Bolivia can lead the way on this important measure by setting fire to the rain forests.

But that doesn’t mean we can let the rest of the animals off the hook. It is a well known fact that cows are steadily destroying the planet’s atmosphere with their incessant production of gases. This is one of the most easily addressed problems, but don’t expect the United Nations to demonstrate the required spine to tackle it. That is why Americans need to take the lead in this critical area and put these cows in their place once and for all.

Eat them. Eat every last one of them as quickly as you can. The rights of the planet hang in the balance.