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Spare Me the Vergara Defense

vergaraoldschool

The conservative right wing has risen to the defense of actress Sofia Vergara's Emmys pun. I'm pretty sure they're only doing this to annoy liberal feminists, which is a stupid reason to defend anyone's bad joke. What conservatives fail to realize is that, by defending Vergara's vapid display of beauty on the altar, they're putting themselves in the same camp as those feminist liberals they claim to hate.

What made Vergara's 360 on prime time acceptable? Her beauty and the fact that she was fairly modest in her presentation. Vergara's is the safe, 1940's glamour style that conservatives love, equal parts nostalgic, respectable, and most importantly, tantalizing tease for those strapping young American boys in bluchers and madras ties. Beyonce, villified by conservatives for her lascivious performance at the VMA's, is everything right wing men loathe, despise and even fear from the feminist left. She is dangerous, grotesquely sexual, and lusts after deviance. Instead of addressing this, conservatives simply sought an alternative goddess to fit their metaphorical and sexual needs. In truth, there is nothing different from Beyonce and Vergara's respective performances, except for the fact that Vergara kept her legs closed, abiding by that age-old Bible belt bit of advice: Who's going to buy the cow when you give the milk away for free?

Even the strongest of conservative analyses of the Beyonce/Vergara dispute includes:

As for the examples being set for young women: if you have a choice between wearing a tasteful, expensive dress and standing on a turntable to make a joke, or doing whatever Beyonce is singing about, I believe most American mothers would join me in strongly urging their daughters to choose the turntable.