Presidential Academy Report Card

Presidential Academy

First Semester Report Card

Student: Barack (Barry) Hussein Obama

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Subject: Public Speaking

Grade: B++

Comment: Barry shows great promise in elocution and rhetoric, but has a regrettable tendency to rely unduly on crib sheets and speech prompters. This has prevented him from achieving an A. Unfortunately, he did not avail himself of the Academy’s library resources, which include several excellent memory training manuals.

Subject: History

Grade: F

Comment: Among Barry’s weakest subjects. He experiences great difficulty identifying his centuries and has very little grasp of historical facts and events. As well, he shows a distinct aversion to diligent research. His instructor was particularly dismayed by his inability to tally the number of states in the union.

Subject: Political Science

Grade: F

Comment: A field of study which Barry would do well to avoid in the future. Fundamental ideas in statecraft appear alien to him. His romantic view of the world and his assumption of personal infallibility breed complacency rather than proficiency.

Subject: Economics

Grade: F

Comment: Barry shows no understanding of economic theory and seems incapable of mastering the complexities of the discipline. His class projects have advocated solutions to topic problems which would lead to disastrous results in the application.

Subject: Self-Esteem

Grade: A++

Comment: A course only recently added to the syllabus. Barry led his cohort group by a wide margin and even exceeded the degree of instructor expertise.

Subject: American Literature

Grade: B

Comment: While not especially well-read or preoccupied by the subject, Barry does not markedly lack potential ability. However, literary studies are not his forte. While making sure to say “present,” he contributed very little to class discussion. Moreover, his taste in poetry is patently abominable (although it is only fair to mention that he has plenty of company in this regard). It would be of great service to him were he to spend his summers reading and reflecting.

Subject: Athletics

Grade: B

Comment: Although this presentable young man recognizes the importance of being in good physical shape and is highly competitive, he did not perform well in organized sports and games. As a result, he failed to make the Academy’s baseball and bowling teams.