Osama bin Metrosexual
One of the Manolo's internet friends has asked the Manolo what he thinks of the new look on display in the most recent video-taped appearance of the odious Osama bin Laden.
In the simple phrase, we now have witnessed the arrival of "Osama bin Metrosexual".
With the freshly dyed beard, it is obvious that here is yet another sorry example of the aging man who has resorted to the Grecian Formula SPF50 in order to stave off the ravages of time; the man for whom the grey beard is not the mark of honor and of the life well lived, but of the irretrievable loss of youth.
Trust the Manolo, Osama, this look is not working for you.
Such obvious and heavy-handed attention to personal appearance seems fussy and mannered. It is clear that you have been spending too much time with the Taliban, putting on eye makeup and taking glamour photos.
Certainly this is not the image the cave-dwelling man of action and jihad wishes to project. What comes next, video testimonials on Al-Jazeera for the power of Kiehl's "Facial Fuel Energizing Wash"?
By comparison, here are two older men who know how to rock the gray hair, while still being dead sexy: Sean Connery and the Ayatollah Khomeini.
While Sean Connery's status as the aged sex symbol is well known, what of the Ayatollah Khomeini?
All the Manolo can do is repeat the comments of the brilliant and courageous Orianna Fallaci, who came away from the 1979 encounter with the Ayatollah saying that he was "The most handsome old man I had ever met in my life. He resembled the 'Moses' sculpted by Michelangelo."
So as you may see, the Ayatollah was the grey-bearded, authoritarian, Islamic hunk. Not for him were the ministrations of the celebrity beard colorist, pedicurist and makeup artist.
What you need now, Osama, is the complete makeover, something that will render you more acceptable to the majority of society.
If you send the Manolo your current address, the Manolo can have some friends deliver to you the special 1000-pound, laser-guided makeover package.
Trust the Manolo, you'll never look better.