Obama's Obstacles to Growth Will Make the Economy Stronger

These are tough economic times, and the economy has affected everyone. People are losing jobs, adult children have to move back in with their parents, and monkeys that once found lucrative jobs helping the sick and elderly are now going back to dancing for organ grinders.

It's awful. And what has President Obama been doing to help the economy? He's been doggedly determined to raise taxes on the rich -- even though in no known universe will that help job growth. He prevented the Keystone pipeline from being built. He's skyrocketed the national debt through pointless spending that hasn't created any jobs. He created a giant new government program, Obamacare, that no one wanted and that will put greater burdens on businesses that want to hire people. All of this together makes some people think Obama is trying to kill the economy.

That's ridiculous. He's only trying to beat it nearly to death.

How do you get stronger? You need challenges. If you spent all your days living in luxury and lounging around in your hot air balloon drinking champagne, you'd become weak and soft and a little drunk. But what if you instead spent your days running through the woods being chased by an angry bear who was constantly trying to rip you apart? And what if you had to spend all your nights hiding from the bear in a hollow log, eating grubs and drinking rainwater for nourishment? If you survived, you'd turn out pretty strong and ready to face any challenge. That's what Obama wants for us: a super strong economy that can survive anything. So think of the economy as hiding in a log, scared half to death, and Obama as the bear hunting it so he can maul it. Because that is how he will make the economy stronger.

Admittedly, it's a little counterintuitive. People think that when the economy is suffering, you need to be nice to it and help it. Maybe hug it when it cries. Obama knows you have to resist that urge. When the economy comes to him broken and bloody, pleading for help, he says to it, "You think things are bad now?" Then he puts his foot on the economy's throat and says, "Now let's see you survive this!" And then he laughs at it maniacally to make it mad so it will fight back.