Obama's 12 Biggest Accomplishments of 2014

I think I've started to grow fond of President Obama. I didn't really like him when he was first elected. I liked him less as time went by. I was then pretty baffled by his being reelected (really, out of 300 million people in the U.S., we're saying this is the best we can do?). But now I think I've kinda gotten used to him after his six years in office. So let's look at Obama’s positives and pick out his twelve biggest accomplishments of 2014.

OBAMA'S 12 BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF 2014

1. Had very few movies blocked by North Korea. More than 99% of the movies scheduled for release this year were not blocked from release by North Korea. So if you don't like your viewing habits to be decided by murderous dictators, then you have to be mainly pretty happy with President Obama's record on this.

2. Took almost six years to start his own conflict in Iraq. What's the single hardest thing for an American president to do? That's right: not start a new conflict in Iraq. Well, President Obama didn't just jump into one; he was well into his second term before he started airstrikes against ISIS. He really tried not to start a new conflict there, but like I said, it's apparently very difficult to avoid.

3. Didn't burn the White House down. This is a pretty big one. When you're a new president, the first thing they tell you when you move into the White House is: "This is a very historical, very important house. Don't burn it down." Like when the White House got burned down on James Madison's watch, any time he went to that special clubhouse only for U.S. presidents after that, none of the other presidents would talk to him anymore. Well, the White House is still standing. Knowing Obama's record, I've kinda always expected to see breaking news of "We regret -- but aren't surprised -- to report that the White House is on fire." Well, I guess that's not how I see breaking news anymore; I more expect "#WhiteHouseFire" to suddenly start trending on Twitter. But it hasn’t happened. And Joe Biden has tried to microwave tin foil a couple of times, but the Secret Service is now very alert to keep him out of the kitchen.