Obama Will Soon Offer Plans to Create Jobs. Conservatives Must Help.

The country needs productive jobs, not counter-productive jobs.

During his bus tour of the hinterlands aboard a new $1.1 million bus made in Canada ("the perfect coach for entertainers, sports stars, NASCAR drivers, executive travel, or anyone accustomed to the very best"), President Obama's much lamented bad luck ran out out. Only good luck could have brought him such a bus. Feeling very lucky, he promised that come September, when the CongressCritters return from their well deserved vacations listening attentively to constituents, he will offer some really great new plans to save/create more counter shovel ready jobs in the United States soon and to reduce the deficit someday.

As befits a top entertainer, President Obama will present his plans during a Big Show (hereinafter "BS"). Before presenting his BS, President Obama and family will travel to impoverished Martha's Vineyard and stay for ten days at "Blue Heron Farm, a luxury retreat on Tisbury Great Pond in Chilmark." Vacationing with an impressive entourage amongst the unwashed masses will doubtless create or save many jobs there and inspire him with fresh ideas.

President Obama's BS will be as clear and specific as always and true to his view that we need more government. It is not yet known, at least outside the inner circle, what his specific BS will include. While probably not as specific as some policy wonks would like, there will be sufficient detail for the little people. As President Obama advised his supporters recently,

“I think the key is not to get too bogged down in detail,” the president said last night.

“If somebody asks about taxes, nobody is really interested in hearing what precise marginal tax rate change would you like to see in the tax code,” Obama said. “What they want to know is that our campaign stands for a fair, just approach to the tax code that says everybody has to chip in, and that it’s not right if a hedge fund manager is being taxed at a lower rate than his or her secretary.”

Something old, nothing new; something borrowed, nothing blue? President Obama is consistently consistent even in his inconsistency. It's the domestic version of smart power, for which his administration is famous. Never mind that they are all fruitcakes, there have been some neat songs about fruitcakes.

Here is a sneak preview. When the BS plans are implemented, the United States will more closely resemble that remote and idyllic island of legend where the residents eked out bare livings by taking in each others' laundry; nothing was produced. Only this time it will be better: the government will pay subsidies to those who pay for services and to those who provide them, hence making more money available for all to spend on other stuff produced elsewhere -- a new laptop, television, or cell phone, for example. China and Japan should be very pleased. More food stamps will probably be included under a modernized Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) to free up money to purchase whatever, beyond food, the folks want thereby encouraging more employment elsewhere; again, China and Japan should be very pleased. Maybe there will be a neatly crafted plan to provide these subsidies mainly in areas where unemployment is highest, to benefit voters in places where the Democratic Party usually wins elections. That might appease the Congressional Black Caucus.

But wait; there's more. President Obama and his charming First Lady are keen on vacationing in expensive places and, after the hardships of life in the White House, need little touches of luxury. However, the common folk would be uncomfortable in such surroundings as found in sunny Spain or even Martha's Vineyard. Hence, vacation stamps under a new SVAP -- standing for "Supplemental Vacation Assistance Program" -- must be introduced to pay for modest vacations in the poorest and most depressed places in the nation. There are plenty of those and their beauties often go unnoticed because few want to go there. This will bring unknown bounty to the unfortunates who live there, perhaps show flash mobs and other rioters that there are better ways to amuse themselves, and possibly even increase consumer confidence by showing the vacationers how much better off they are than those among whom they are vacationing.

Going really green will be part of the plan as well. A new and bright light bulb will shine to illuminate ways to save energy -- just show them and they will come, as they did in Seattle:

SEATTLE (AP) — Last year, Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn announced the city had won a coveted $20 million federal grant to invest in weatherization. The unglamorous work of insulating crawl spaces and attics had emerged as a silver bullet in a bleak economy -- able to create jobs and shrink carbon footprint -- and the announcement came with great fanfare.

McGinn had joined Vice President Joe Biden in the White House to make it. It came on the eve of Earth Day. It had heady goals: creating 2,000 living-wage jobs in Seattle and retrofitting 2,000 homes in poorer neighborhoods.

But more than a year later, Seattle's numbers are lackluster. As of last week, only three homes had been retrofitted and just 14 new jobs have emerged from the program. Many of the jobs are administrative, and not the entry-level pathways once dreamed of for low-income workers. Some people wonder if the original goals are now achievable.

Only $1,428,571 per job? Cheap! It's just ObamaMoney and the government can print create as much as is desired; if not, tax the obscenely rich! Don't want to turn green? Green is beautiful! What would Kermit the Frog say? It's not easy but that's what we must do.

Although it's great to give (or even to try to give) people money for stuff they don't want and don't think they need, and even better to give them money to buy things they do want if any are still manufactured in the United States, there are some silly notions that President Obama won't consider because they are ideologically impure and he is far above that sort of pandering for votes.

Maybe he needs some changes in attitudes.

Here are some bipartisan ideas for changes in attitudes.

Reduce the regulatory madness

The federal bureaucracy would make a medicinal leech of olden days jealous. They did what they did and all they got in return was the blood of their patients. The new leeches get more than blood; not only well paid, they get to revel in the ideological good they are doing for the betterment of the fools who don't know what's good for them. Don't want to join a union? How do you know what's best for you? Insist on causing the ravages of global warming? Stop! Our servants, who are anointed by Gaia to save the entire world, know what's best and will never let a crisis go to waste. No matter that regulation piled upon regulation has always dulled the economy in the past, no matter that just seventeen percent of the respondents to an August 7, 2010, Rasmussen poll thought that the federal government had the consent of the governed, this time it might work! The political class, fifty-five percent of which consider that the government has such consent, are clearly right. Such cynics as those at PowerLine just don't have the enlightenment to understand:

There are, of course, many things the federal government could do that would help the economy, like lightening the regulatory burden and cutting spending. But to acknowledge that would be a repudiation of liberalism, so the administration comes up with a laughable “Department of Jobs” proposal instead. Mostly, at this point, the administration is just hoping for the best.

For shame, Sirs, for shame oh ye of little faith! Besides, it probably won't be called a "Department of Jobs." Still, we should temper government regulation and let our poor overworked bureaucrats have more well deserved rest; preferably lots of it. Maybe more vacations conferences, but in some of the many depressed inner cities with which the country is so extraordinarily blessed. CongressCritters and staff? Why not. They deserve the same.

Pay federal bureaucrats wages no higher than does private business.

It is said that many federal workers bureaucrats are overpaid. It is a shame that this inaccurate (take an opinion poll inside the Washington beltway) perception has become widespread but it has. Hence, for purely cosmetic reasons, that perception must be changed to restore faith in government. Even the hardworking people at the White House may be able to struggle along on a bit less. It will be dreadful if this results in fewer bureaucrats, but that's a cross we must willingly bear.

Diminish the power of unions to harm the economy.

All good ObamaManiancs know that unions are good, as demonstrated by their traditional support of the party that gave us the gift [see German meaning of "gift" at the link] of President Obama -- a gift that keeps on giving. Still, we should backslide occasionally from excessive piety and curb the NLRB, have fair union representation elections, and remove government "service" unions from at least one of their dual negotiating positions at both the labor and employer sides of the bargaining table.

Reduce tax incentives to outsource to foreign counties.

We must carry our burdens with courage and dedication to basic principles; looking out for the welfare of those who are surpassing us is such a burden. However, occasionally even selfishness has a place and it has one here. Hence, wicked big corporations (which, after all, are only human) must be encouraged to produce stuff in the United States for sale here and also abroad. Disincentives for manufacturing stuff abroad would help.

There is one minor exception to this proposal, and it is an important one even though it does not involve manufacturing.  The United States has inadequate and costly health care due (as any fool can easily see) to the greed of those in the medical profession and of the malicious insurance companies. Hence, the provision of free medical care must be outsourced to Cuba. The medical care there is good enough for el Presidente Chávez of Venezuela and should, therefore, be good enough for common United States citizens and also for their betters. President Obama should travel to Cuba for his next medical procedure; he could combine that with a pleasant vacation there and Michael Moore could show him the sights.

These novel ideas are all workable and truly bipartisan; they should appeal to libruls and conservatives alike. They are just a start and many more can be proposed. All should be included in President Obama's BS for our brave new and delightfully green world of abundance for all.