Obama vs. Kim Jong Il: Who Is the Greater Leader?

We are truly blessed to have a leader like Barack Obama. His mere presence invigorates the soul, and his words move us all to be better people. He is, in fact, so great that we recently had to send him abroad so the rest of the world could admire him in person and dispel the rumor that he doesn't actually exist and instead is a Hollywood invention made using puppets and CGI. He truly is The One, as elder sage Oprah deemed him.

But is President Obama the world's greatest leader?

In typical arrogant American fashion, we assume so, but is it really true? I suggest there is another even more magnificent than the Obama. Insanity, you say? Obama is a pure diamond, so what could be better? How about a diamond smothered in melted gold with a side of bacon. And that diamond is Kim Jong Il of North Korea.

Kim Jong Il has been in the news recently after launching his Taepo Dong 2 rocket -- the largest and most powerful of the Korean Dongs. He is a much more reclusive figure than Obama; while Obama is admired the world over (Germans love Barack Obama!), Kim seems to focus his greatness in only his own country.

And if the North Korean press can be trusted, that's almost more greatness than one country can handle.

They describe Kim Jong Il as a "peerlessly great man" who is said to have the "organizing ability of leading millions of people" and is "the greatest of great men produced by heaven." Similarly, Obama has been described in American media as "the agent of transformation in an age of revolution" and as "a lightworker -- an attuned being." CNN's Jack Cafferty said, "It's almost as though our president was born to do exactly what he's doing." Songs are written throughout North Korea to proclaim Kim Jong Il's greatness, but there are also songs written to praise Obama, such as "Yes We Can" by will.i.am and "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode. Throughout North Korea, there are paintings of Kim so all can admire his poofy hair and leadership, and here in America there are posters of Obama and many paintings of him (often with him naked and riding a unicorn) so we can see his smile and be assured that everything will be alright. Furthermore, it appears that Kim has supernatural powers, as it is said that when he was born "frost exploded with the sound of firecrackers" and "lakes thawed with such a noise that it caused mountains to shake." Not to be outdone, Obama said that when he was elected would be "when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal."

So both Barack Obama and Kim Jong Il are greatly admired by their people and are possibly magical demigods who exist for no other purpose but to lead us, but who is the better of the two?