No Exposed Breasts, No Peace!

Editor's Note: Work readers beware! Several links in this piece take one to sites with naked breasts. These have been labeled Not Safe For Work!

Feminists, bitterly clinging to their bitterness, are now trying to suck the life out of yet another thing: boobs. Not content to just let us suffer with the painful mental image of the bra burning days of yore, they are now going full-on topless in the name of "gender equality" and "normalizing" of women's breasts -- as if anyone finds them an oddity. It seems to me that people like breasts. Also, equality doesn't mean what they think it means. Neither does "gender" either for that matter.

So these topless rallies, organized by (NSFW!), are striving to take the "stigma" out of the barbaric notion of, you know, wearing clothing. "I am woman hear me roar. And watch me sag!" or "No sagging ta-tas, no peace! Don't oppress us with your fancy pants civilized -- and clothed - society!"

As the pictures sadly indicate (NSFW!), now ruin-all-that-is-good feminists are even attempting to take the "fun" out of funbags. This does not suit. I mean, how can I maintain my Power of the Rack if racks are flopping about openly, all willy nilly? That's the opposite of empowerment! For that alone, they must pay.

And what of the strippers -- excuse me, exotic dancers? Who will think of the strippers?! If all women flit about topless, that devalues strippers and their, um, commodities. It's not very "exotic" if one can see bazongas on every main street in America. That doesn't even make sound economic sense, what with the staggering unemployment and all. By the way, feminists, isn't that more of a pressing issue than the scourge of topless stigmatization? No? Silly me! That must be my "tool of the Patriarchy (TM)" talking.

Shanda Panda (no, really), a rally attendee, trusts men not to be enticed by openly displayed boobs (maybe she is only talking about hers, to be fair). "I have faith in men that they can control their responses to seeing a breast," she said. Really? Yet feminists trust men with absolutely nothing else in the entire world. Ever. In perpetuity. Well, except for when their victimhood sisterhood needs to run to Big Daddy Government for some delusionally perceived wrong, of course. Her absurd statement falls flat (much like the breasts of hippie broads) by the rally itself and the reasons many attended (NSFW!).

The town centre was soon packed with onlookers cheering and taking photos as topless women, accompanied by men wearing bras or bikini tops, danced on the nearby fountain.

Gee, what do you think they were cheering and taking photos of? In New York, attendees were open about why they attended:

"This is unbelievable - and super," said Dalvin Jan, 21, who rents bicycles for a living on Central Park South. "I'm going to tell my wife to join in."

With Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman" blaring from speakers and chants of "free your breasts, free your mind," the troupe of bare-breasted women -- and their enthusiastic male supporters -- paraded their way along Central Park South.