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News Headlines We Will See in 2011

Not to be outdone, I am also certain that some prominent Republican somewhere will literally get caught with his pants down in some kind of sex scandal. There's a 50-50 chance that it will be a gay liaison and that the tawdry details will spill out on blogs first, to be reluctantly followed by the Washington Post and New York Times, who hate it when blogs scoop them on these kind of scandals but agonize over contributing to the sleaze.

What is it about Republican lawmakers and sex? I can understand the attraction. After all, I'm sort of a Republican and I like sex a lot. Straying from my Zsu-Zsu has never seriously crossed my mind, however. Certainly, as H.L. Mencken said, “Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body." But many Republicans seem to heed Mae West's advice: "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”

Everybody likes sex and doing it with someone that is not your wife has an element of daring and risk taking that spices up the encounter. But really, how dumb can you be to leave a paper trail of your love life so that once jilted, your ex-paramour can take her revenge? Or leave an email trail that authorities can follow when you're caught using taxpayer funds to keep your mistress at that cute little hideaway in Adams Morgan? There are dozens of ways to get caught and the GOP has been gradually, and systematically, working their way through each and every means of being discovered.

It's not that Democrats don't stray from their marital vows; it's that Republicans are stupid enough to get caught. Ergo, we will probably see headlines like this in the coming year:

"Republican caught with gay soldier lover in House gym shower room"

"GOP governor freed from bondage by police but denies affair with 'Mistress Bonnie'"

"RNC staffers arrested for 'lewd behavior' at female mud wrestling contest"

Then there are issues that will no doubt prove both sides to be utterly imbecelic. Take global warming, for instance. I guarantee this summer, this headline will appear somewhere:

"Record heat continues: Scientist says it proves global warming"

Then, a little later in the year:

"Cold snap grips region: Scientist says it disproves global warming"

Confusing weather with climate has become so common that having a debate about the subject is impossible. The few voices of reason are drowned out by this cacophonous nonsense that just because it's warmer this year, or colder, or drier, or wetter, or even because it's normal, this proves something profound about the subject of climate change. From statements by Al Gore to even some articles printed on this and other sites, the march toward deliberate delusion and ignorance about what exactly is happening to the climate and whether there is anything we can or should do about it continues unabated.

Then, there is the prospect that Governor Abercrombie of Hawaii will rise to the challenge and put the issue of Obama's birth to rest once and for all by releasing his full, complete, actual, and forever birth certificate.

This headline writes itself:

"Obama's birth certificate shows he was born in Hawaii. Orly Taitz says 'it's a fake'"