My Post-Election Resolution for Political Unity

"A statement with universal agreement is a statement that is meaningless. When everyone agrees with a statement, it ceases to matter. It becomes smoke, ether, disposable like the sound of a cough."

"Too Much Blue Sky," a Salon.com blog on the subject of "groupthink" from July 2004

This Salon blogger either quit in 2006 or he has taken another internet moniker, so it's not possible to see if he now hails the thing -- unity -- he found so deplorable a mere four years ago. But what was the horrible unity about which he most opined and found so utterly disgusting from 2004 to 2006?

It was this statement: "We all support our troops."

Oh, yes! Now that's an abomination. Overtly repugnant groupthink in action.

A unified war effort in the face of international Islamic terrorism was simply out of the question.

And this bellow of wartime dissent was the single rallying cry which seemingly unified all Democrats for the past five years -- from coast to coast, from the once-hallowed halls of Congress to every foreign shore that would entertain their Bush-bash tirades.

Whenever American war-dissenters of note traveled abroad, they made a point of publicly and self-righteously deriding our one president as worthy of nothing but shame.

The Dixie Chicks to a sold-out crowd in London: "Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas." And for the past five years, the Chicks have pouted, fumed, and even made a box-office-bomb movie about their unjust "treatment" at home among us pro-America conservatives.

Unity? Surely you jest.

But all kidding aside, since I've never given one whit what Europeans thought of us or our president, I hereby resolve not to travel across the Big Pond and trash President Obama.

I have too much pride in my own country to criticize our president to a bunch of folks who owe their own freedom -- both past and present -- to my country. And when Europeans decide to foot the bill for their own defenses, then maybe I'll pay a tad of attention to their whiny complaints about our president.

Code Pink in the hallowed halls of our U.S. Congress: "War criminal!" This lovely little epithet was screamed by Code Pinkos, one of the most eloquent Bush-hating groups, during a Congressional hearing. And at whom were the words aimed? Why our African-American secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice, and her president.

Those racist freaks!

Now, Code Pink was one of the groups most ardently supporting Barack Obama for president and was a successful bundler for his campaign war chest. So, we have no doubt that Code Pink "ladies" now have a president behind whom they can proudly stand.

Now would Code Pink-style unity be what liberals want from conservatives?

As for me, in the interest of national unity, I hereby resolve that I will not travel to Washington, D.C., dress up in tacky pink lingerie, and storm the halls of Congress, yelling "War criminal!" at the top of my lungs at President Obama. Even if I find every single one of his policy decisions absolutely reprehensible, I will refrain from this particular type of disunity.

George Soros, the billionaire sugar daddy of the Democratic Party -- and an early backer of Barack Obama -- was the first to liken our president, George W. Bush, to Adolph Hitler in a public forum. But spreading this divide-and-conquer trash talk on the pages of the Washington Post wasn't nearly effective enough for the Hungarian-born carpetbagger.

So, he took his little unity act on the road. In Davos, Switzerland, where Soros has a megaphone in keeping with the worth of his stock portfolio, he declared that once Bush left office, America would need a "de-Nazification" process similar to what Germany endured after World War II.

George Soros seems living proof of that old reliable saying about the nouveau riche: you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still just a slop-covered foul beast.

Nevertheless, I truly want to be generous here. So, I hereby resolve that over the next four to eight years, however long Barack Obama is our president, I will refrain from likening him to Stalin in the pages of a national newspaper or at a fancy financial meeting abroad.

Really, it is doubtful that Barack Obama will callously murder more than 50,000,000 American citizens over the course of his presidency -- no matter how Marxist his actual policies turn out to be. So, to liken him to Stalin would be a bit beyond the pale, and I can promise at least this much unity to Obama voters right now.

Absolutely. Without any reservations. No "Obama is Stalin" chants will come from me. And that's a promise.

Former Presidents Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter, as well as former Vice President Al Gore, have all spent much of the past eight years conducting what many deem a shadow foreign policy for the United States of America. Each has taken huge speaking fees for the purpose of countering -- some would call it "bashing" -- our one president's foreign policy decisions.

Perhaps Democrats will see this as a petty little peeve, but this is actually quite in defiance of the U.S. Constitution, which explicitly forbids those outside the current, lawfully elected executive branch of our federal government from doing this sort of thing. This de facto diplomacy has perhaps had a very deleterious effect on the actual efficacy of President Bush's own lawful foreign policy.

Oddly enough, this type of disunity does not seem to have bothered Democrats one tiny bit.

However, in the interest of national unity now, I do hereby resolve not to attempt to become a spokesperson abroad as an alternative to President Obama's foreign policy. Both our allies and our enemies seem to be confused enough by America's quirky, four-year power transfer.

Even one more voice in that realm might put these countries on opinion overload and inadvertently produce nuclear world war.

I have enough on my conscience; this I cannot handle.

In conclusion, to all those Obama voters now harping the unity cry, I have but one answer:

"Yes, you can."

Yes, you can have these four resolutions -- and only these four -- for unity from this lone conservative.

And that's all you can have -- period. You want love? Harmony? Peace? Freedom from discord and strife?

Wake up from your dream and get a job at Hallmark.