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More Scandalous Stories About the 2008 Campaign

  • Obama's staff had to work overtime day and night to cover up the fact that "community organizer" is a completely made-up job.
  • It took numerous adjustments before Mike Huckabee's southern charm no longer caused uncontrollable vomiting.
  • Obama originally laughed off Hillary's ad about who you would want answering the phone in a crisis at 3 a.m. until he found out there is no such thing as a "night-shift president."
  • The advanced CGI used to create Mitt Romney was later used on the movie Avatar with a few additional techniques they came up with to get rid of that "uncanny valley" problem.
  • Barack Obama finally won the support of Bill Clinton when he agreed to drive 100 miles to get Clinton a McRib sandwich.
  • Few Democrats sought an Al Gore endorsement, as they figured that would probably involve listening to him yammer on for an hour about ice caps or compact fluorescent light bulbs or some other nonsense he read on the internet.
  • Fred Thompson was going to respond to the charges that he didn't have "fire in the belly," but he just never cared enough to do it.
  • Staffers first suspected Sarah Palin might have a problem with foreign affairs when she attempted to find Pakistan on a globe and somehow ended up pointing at Mare Crisium on the moon.
  • The worst day of Obama's political campaign was the day he went to Hawaii to get his original birth certificate and had to face the hard fact contained within it: he is an American.
  • Staffers had to always be careful that there were no open flames anywhere near Joe Biden during his campaign appearances, as that would always send him into a panicked rage. In fact, he wanted one of the main tenets of his platform to be: "Fire bad!"
  • Due to sloppy scheduling with all their mistresses, John Edwards and Bill Clinton accidentally had a tryst with each other.
  • The DNC narrowly avoided a lawsuit from HBO, which contended that Nancy Pelosi was a clear ripoff of the Crypt Keeper.
  • For some time, Barack Obama bought into the hype and thought he was Jesus and believed he was nearly successful in turning water into wine, not realizing he was actually working with vodka.
  • It took a lot of work in practice debates with Hillary Clinton to keep her from responding with "I'll swallow your soul!" when she felt she’d been backed into a corner.
  • The day before the election, Barack Obama turned to his campaign manager, David Plouffe, and asked, "So what exactly does a president do?"