Milk: It Does The Patriarchy Good?

Brave feminist warriors joined together last week to do battle with a villainous enemy of women: Big Milk.

Cue the sinister laughter and twirling of handlebar milk mustaches.

The California Milk Processor Board's nefarious plot to spread misogyny throughout the land came in the form of a $1.2 million ad campaign to promote the calcium in milk as a treatment for premenstrual syndrome. Print ads feature sheepish beta males armed with large quantities of milk for the premenstrual ladies in their lives. "We can both blame myself," says one man, carefully averting his eyes. "I'm sorry I listened to what you said and not what you meant," says another, cringing under the off-camera gaze of a cranky PMS-er.

Before it was pulled Thursday, the male-targeted website for the ad campaign,, asked visitors, "Are you a man living with PMS?" Men were offered a variety of PMS coping tools, including an emergency milk locator and a "Puppy Dog-Eye-Zer" to "give yourself a face that's hard to stay mad at." The site also provided pre-approved apologies and a video apology enhancer. Explaining the obvious to LA Weekly, the Milk Board's press officer called the ad campaign a "fun and lighthearted way of letting consumers know the calcium in the milk helps reduce the symptoms of PMS."

But the ads also served as calcium-rich, vitamin-fortified feminist bait, and the perpetually outraged lapped it up with all the grace and discernment of an emaciated alley cat. Behold, the impetuous wrath of the sisterhood:

Jessica Valenti, a feminist columnist at The Daily, called the Milk Board website a sexist "cornucopia of offensive stereotypes framed as humor."

"Wow these are pretty offensive. Reducing us to hormonal female psychopaths is no way to get us to drink milk. In fact, that makes me want to rip the milk out of your hands and shove it up your hole," raged another critic.

Referring to a 2005 Milk Board campaign to highlight the link between calcium and reduced PMS symptoms, a writer at Forbes complained, "Milk hasn’t cured the world of premenstrual syndrome and so we’re being dished a second helping of sexploitation? Really?"

And Ms. Magazine quickly posted a petition (9,339 signatures at last count) demanding an immediate end to the "sexist" PMS-centered ads.

The entire campaign is overwhelmingly sexist, playing on the tired stereotype of menstruating women as volatile monsters. It also supports the condescending idea that any angry woman can be talked down with puppies and glossy compliments. We're asking the California Milk Processer Board to end this insulting campaign.

If anything, the ads are actually tougher on men, portraying them as sniveling, clueless oafs paralyzed by the possibility of doing or saying something wrong. The editors of Ms. Magazine appear to have overlooked that aspect of the ads in crafting their petition.

The feminist reaction devolved into true absurdity with the milk boycott proposed by a Feministing blogger. She suggests five PMS-soothing calcium sources "that don't involve milk." Topping her list of ideas: "Eat other kinds of dairy products, like yogurt and cheese (mozzarella is particularly high in calcium)." Way to strike a blow against Big Milk by consuming products made from ... milk.