'Magical Jews' Responsible for Paris Terror Attacks

I love a good Jewish conspiracy. I've even been known to dabble in creating a few myself. If you've heard that the "We've Taken Over the World" after-party will be hosted by the Free Masons and we (the Jews) have already signed up to bring the cake, that's one of mine. The one about the "magical Jews" behind last week's Paris attacks on Charlie Hebdo and the kosher supermarket Hyper Cacher being "a hybrid race of shape-shifters" who "know how to get everywhere" because "they are master manipulators" belongs to the Muslims in the "Park Slope" of Paris ghettos.

That's right. In case you weren't already aware, Jews are X-Men in disguise, Clark Kent-ish disguises, because somehow despite their shape-shifty ways they manage to look just like average human beings. This conspiracy theory is the kind best attributed to immigrant populations that embrace the hatred and radicalization common among the ignorant, willfully unemployed and unassimilated of western civilization. We, the assimilated, acculturated, intellectualized of the bunch like Jose Diaz-Balart have educated ourselves into romanticizing such situations with wacky theories of our own, like:

You can be surrounded by a very comfortable-looking situation but feel despair because you feel that you are so isolated within a society that has nice restaurants but ignores you and ignores your dreams and aspirations.

But how quickly Diaz-Balart and his intellectual compatriots forget that Western Europe, too, was a cultural victim of conspiracy theory-level ignorance, not that long ago. Dreams and aspirations grounded in that anti-Semitic ignorance led to world wars and the murders of millions of Jews. So, should we really be encouraging France to feed into the "dreams and aspirations" of today's madmen?

Apparently Dana Kennedy thinks so. Or, at least, she's resigned to it. After detailing the conspiracy theories in her article for The Daily Beast, she back-tracked on Telemundo when Diaz-Balart whipped out the "not all Muslims are like this" clause, turning an important piece on the roots of radical Islamic anti-Semitism into a tepid commentary on Paris housing projects.

Want the real scoop? Read the story. You know, before those shape-shifty Jews sneak on the Internet and remove it.