Drunkblogging Tonight's GOP Undercard Debate

Welcome to Fox News and the Island of Misfit Candidates!

Also known as the Undercard Event, the Kiddie Table, the Amuse-Buche of Presidential Politics.

The fun begins in about 15 minutes, and I'll hoist a cocktail or so in the next hour while giving the Also Rans the attention they very nearly deserve.

Won't you pour yourself a little something and join me?

Closing statements, which I'm going to skip because I need a sandwich break before the Main Event.

So -- the wrap.

Christie had the most and biggest applause lines.

Huckabee charmed, as always, with his folksy explanations.

Jindal needed to prove why he even belongs at the kiddie table, and it saddens me to say he didn't achieve even that much.

And Santorum was just a mess.

But let's give each candidate a sincere "Well done!" for debating like it matters, even when it clearly didn't.

And a thanks to Fox News for hosting a substantive discussion.

Santorum is good here on the VA, but honestly I'd vote for anyone of any party if they promised to nuke the VA and replace it with vouchers for Cadillac plans of each veteran's choice.

And I DO mean "nuke it."

Big props for the Marine Corps' birthday -- and I feel like a heel for not having mentioned it already.

So: Semper Fi, and thank you for your service.

I guess this is what he was saying.

"There are no dads, and we need to do something about it."

Rick Santorum, explaining... I don't know.

"Hillary Clinton is giftwrapping this election for us."

Another good line from Jindal, lost in a rushed delivery.

Jindal should remind people here that corporations not only don't pay taxes, but when they do, they really just collect them for the IRS.

"What is the highest percentage, all in, any American should have to pay in taxes?"

Question to all candidates.

Santorum: 20% flat tax on everything, except bulk purchases of sweater vests.

Christie: 8% on the low end, 28% on the high end, all deductions gone except for charitable giving, mortgages.

Jindal: Saying many numbers very quickly, although he does say clearly that everyone needs "skin in the game." And then he wanders off topic again. His sentences hop around like a spider monkey who's just figure out how to work the espresso machine.

Huck: Fair Tax, baby.

Santorum sounds desperate reminding us that his last election win was in the year 2000.