Drunkblogging Tonight's GOP Debate

We've been through a lot of these debates already, despite some promises I remember quite clearly that there would be far fewer debates this cycle than there were in 2012.

We know what to expect by now, don't we?

Or... will Mitt Romney's undorsement (it's a word, I swear) of Donald Trump this morning dominate a debate in which Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio must fight to become the essential Not-Trump before Florida's winner-take-all primary vote just a week and a half from now.

Carson is out. Mitt is in -- sort of.

What happens next?

Pour yourself a little something-something, get comfy, and let's find out.

Every Christmas I find myself buying for someone -- usually one of my boys -- at least one present so unwieldy that wrapping it is an exercise in frustration, Scotch tape, torn paper, more Scotch tape, and more Scotch tape.

That's tonight's debate.

How do you wrap something so big, made of all sharp corners and odd angles, when all you have is a small sheet of tissue-thin paper and some leftover tape?

It can't be done. For that, I am sorry.

And in any case, my brain keeps coming back to the GOP frontrunner promising again and again that by sheer force of will he will make the military comply with his illegal orders.

I must repeat that I do not believe that Donald Trump is a fascist or a national socialist or a white supremacist or any of that.

But when it comes to pleasing the crowd, he proved himself tonight willing to play by the Führerprinzip when it comes to (ahem) enhanced interrogation.

I could try to explain to you why I thought Rubio did a good job, or maybe how Cruz seemed to downplay at least some of his more unlikeable tendencies...

But I keep coming back to that one thing: Trump and the Führerprinzip -- bending the military to his will, rather than to each member's oath to the Constitution.

I'll repeat what I said earlier: Trump is no Hitler, but he really ought to read a history book or two.

Maybe I'm making too much of this one thing...

But shouldn't somebody?

After the break: Final question and closing statements.

I can cover as many debates as they care to schedule -- I really can. But the closing statements have got to go.

Kasich.

Drink.

Yikes.

Cruz just forgot his line in the middle of talking about nuclear-powered aircraft carrier deployments.

It might be unfair, but that is not where you want to see a potential POTUS flub his line.

"I've gotten to know Marco.. and believe me he's not a leader."

-Trump, not calling him "Little Marco" for once.

And Trump just doubled down on getting the military to follow illegal orders.

In a sane country, that would be the lead story tonight, tomorrow, and until he recants or leaves the race.

OK, on to foreign policy, in case anyone was still keeping track of Fox's pretend rules.

"Breathe, breathe, breathe."

Cruz, offering advice to Trump.

"I hope we don't see yoga... but he's very flexible so you never know."

-Rubio

Damn!

"I do not support the ban on assault."

I did not truncate that Trump quote, but I am missing Carson's endless word salad right now.