Drunkblogging the Sex, Lies, and WikiLeaks Debate

There are only two questions you really need to keep in mind as we go into tonight's must-listen "Grab Them by the Ears" debate.

And boy, did I clean that up.

Anyway, you need to know two things:

• Did the leaker of the Billy Bush tape realize that they would be releasing the Kraken, that doing so would give Donald Trump full license to release his remaining id?

• Does America want to elect Kraken-Pence?

Other than that, the situation here in Vodka Tower is:

• Martinis, chilled.

• Corn, popped.

I hope you have your bases covered just as well.

Just one more thing before we begin:

Oh, I'm strapped.

(Forgive any typos, run on sentences, bad punctuation, etc. I'm flying without a net and with four (?) bourbon-rocks.)

The Kraken was indeed released.

Now, to be fair, the Kraken had been asleep for a long time, stuck in that watery cage. When the gates finally opened, he didn't roar right out and smash a bunch of ships or Medusas or whatever.

(Forgive me. I haven't watched the movie in years.)

Instead, the Kraken hit the snooze button (waterproof, presumably) a couple of times, yawned, choked on some seawater, burped, dog paddled out of the cage, and then looked awkward and sheepish because the Argonauts spent the next ten minutes pointing at his morning wood.

Well.

I think I've stretched the Kraken metaphor thinner than Ursula Andress' toga, so let's switch gears.

For all the lovely camaraderie of the last couple of minutes, it's clear that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump loathe each other. Instead of a 90 minute town hall format, there's no doubt that both candidates would eagerly agree to a debate held in a Roman Colosseum, to the death.

And, yes, we would be entertained.

But we have to talk about tonight's debate, which is unlike anything I've ever seen, going back to when I was a child barely older than my oldest son, watching Reagan take on Carter.

I've seen them all. I've drank to most of them. Most have faded into nothingness.

This one, however, might linger.

I've never seen one candidate come on so week, then reverse course -- in his own limited, almost demented fashion -- so strongly.

I've never seen another candidate, so thoroughly programed, act as though her various subroutines had been corrupted by one of those nasty Russian viruses.

And all of this was after we began a presidential debate -- a debate to determine the next President of the United States! -- by talking about the proclivities of a major-party candidate who had once grabbed about grabbing women by...

Well, let's not go there. We've said too much already.

This was not, in the end -- or at almost any other point, really -- a serious debate on the issues.

But it was a deadly serious contest between two people too unserious to be president.

However.

One of those unserious people demonstrated tonight that he is at least serious enough to recover from his many self-inflicted wounds, and in the most adverse and public circumstances.

Round 3 is ten days from now. I don't know what to expect, because nothing from the first debate prepared us for anything from tonight's debate.

But I can tell you this much: As pure entertainment, I'm looking forward, for once, more to the debate than to the cocktails.

"Goodnight everyone."

Back with the wrap in just a few.

Trump going on about his kids is the best part of tonight. Hell, they're the best part of Trump, and I mean that as a huge compliment.

"Will you respect each other" after the election?

Yes. Of course. Apart from the mutual and seething hatred.

Necessarily skyrocket.

Clinton talking about transitioning to renewables when frackers have set a $50 or so price ceiling on oil, and just last week Alaska's proven oil reserves just shot up 40%, is a laff-riot.

Trump right back in his groove, talking about energy and steel.

He's half-right right on energy, and couldn't be more wrong on steel.

One more question...

Clinton promises to "Change the balance" of the Supreme Court, as "soon as I'm elected."

This is the sole reason I'm still willing to risk a vote on Trump.

It's amazing that she can be ahead of anyone at this level of politics, even with the 15-point bump the MSM grants to the Dem nominee.