Drunkblogging the Final Obama State of the Union Address
"I'm dressing the American people now."
Good thing, because the live audience seems to have mostly checked out about 15 minutes ago.
I can sum this one up quickly.
This was Obama's Al Bundy speech, the lowly shoe salesman desperately trying to get everyone to remember that time he scored four touchdowns in one game.
Er, that is President Obama wanted us to forget most of the last seven years he's actually been President, and instead remember that time Candidate Obama gave those big speeches everybody loved.
I'd say even by that modest measure, tonight's speech was worthy of an Al Bundy nap.
#SOTU - Not even the Democrats are applauding. Who wrote this drivel?— Roger Simon (@rogerlsimon) January 13, 2016
"I believe in change because I believe in you."
What does that even mean?
Dorothy Parker once quipped, "I can't write five words but that I change seven."
Let's change that to, "I can't script five words but that I speak seven."
"It will only happen if we have rational, constructive debates."
-Barack Obama, 2016.
-Barak Obama, 2009.
Don't piss in the well and tell me the water tastes funny, bub.
"This brings me to the fourth and maybe most important thing I want to say tonight..."
We're only at four?
We're gonna beat malaria!
Um... we did beat malaria, right up until the environmentalists got DDT banned.
"We're partnering with local forces in Syria."
So I guess at least two of those dozen guys we finally got trained are still in the fight.
This foreign policy stuff is bordering on delusional.