Let's Blame It All on Madonna
Those who went to Eazo Meat and Wine Shop in Tel Aviv recently found their choices severely limited.
Madonna’s chefs had just left with 110 pounds of kosher meat, including ribeye and T-bone steaks. The Material Girl’s latest tour had come to Israel.
Aaron Klein, the Israel correspondent for WND (and one of the disappointed shoppers), reported that Madonna (or Esther) is about to be joined by fellow Kabbalah-following stars Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and Justin Timberlake. They apparently are being invited to a barbecue.
These days it seems like non-Jews all over the place are trying to take a piece of Jewish learning or history and make it their own. The problem is that in many cases they are copying Jews who just don't understand the Torah foundation supporting the traditions. See the "Faux Mitzvah" -- a party for 13-year-old Gentile children that skips the religious ceremony part. In some cases the non-Jews are being duped, as with Hollywood's Kabbalah fad which turns sacred texts into little more than red string bracelets and "holy water."
There are those of the Jewish faith who will tell you that this quasi-Jewish observance is dangerous, that these trends cause horrible confusion about Judaism and Jewish values, and, worst of all, accelerate assimilation. Some even call it blasphemy.
Butt this trend toward pseudo-Judaism may actually be a good thing, and I suggest that Jews even encourage these practices ... but with one quid pro quo.
If people want to pick up Jewish traditions without learning the background or observance, let them share in receiving the Desmond Tutu and Louis Farrakhan blood-libel attacks.
See how it could help? Take, for example, the Hollywood Kabbalah cult. I was always taught that Kabbalah was advanced Jewish study, and I was told that before I could truly understand it I would have to know Judaism backward, forward, and sideways. Yet the Hollywood Kabbalah cult skipped the foundation and went straight to the Zohar (the sacred Jewish text of Kabbalah).
I say we should give them our blessing. But before "Esther" puts on her yarmulke, douses herself with Kabbalah water, or makes another music video about Kaballah while behaving inappropriately with another woman, I ask that she has a little press conference.
She should announce that it is she, not the Jews, who controls the media.
It's a believable concept. Let's face it -- anybody who has seen any of her last few movies may already believe the only way she could have had them produced would be if she controlled the media.
Or take Madonna's Kabbalah protégé, Demi Moore. Demi has a tattoo of a cross on her arm. Judaism forbids tattoos, so a tattoo of a cross … let’s just say it’s not very kosher.
But I say we tell Ms. Moore all is well, so long as she calls Obama advisor Samantha Power and convinces her that the Jews don’t control foreign policy in America -- she and Ashton do.
Lavish parties do not make a Bar Mitzvah crass. Crassness enters the picture when the child and the family forget what the party is celebrating -- a level of religious learning and the child accepting an adult level responsibility. By definition, the "Faux-Mitzvah" is meant to be crass -- all bar, no mitzvah.
But I'll endorse these crass parties, so long as each invitation mentions that the big blowout is paid for by the pseudo-Jews who control the banks.
Shifting some anti-Semitic libel to the pseudo-Jews could even help advance the Middle East peace process. For years, the Palestinians have been trying their darnedest to delegitimize Jewish historical claims to the Holy Land. They even claim that there was never a Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount.
I say, as part of any peace deal, the Palestinians can claim the Mount if first President Abbas explains to Mel Gibson that 2,000 years ago it was the Palestinians who killed Jesus.
Of course, they might refuse the offer and deny that libel, pointing out the historical fact that there were no Palestinians around 2,000 years ago.
Come to think of it, that wouldn’t be a bad thing, either.