Know What Obama Could Use? A Snake Oil Czar

We have a disastrously inadequate petroleum reserve; there is a crisis. "We consume more than 20 percent of the world's oil but have less than 2 percent of the world's oil reserves," or so President Obama recently proclaimed from the Oval Office. That's terrible, and possibly even true, provided that only the oil present in the United States where drilling is permitted is considered. There's lots of oil in them thar other hills, approximately fifty years worth. That may not be enough, and in any event those are all environmentally holy places rather than politically acceptable oily places.

According to Peggy Noonan, President Obama is starting to seem "snakebit." While her anti-Obama rhetoric may be somewhat over the top, the proposal set forth below might help in her context as well. Not only would implementation bring to a close our sorry dependence on dead dinosaurs and stuff made from them which pollutes the atmosphere with toxic and ultimately deadly carbon dioxide, it would provide needed employment for the soon to be redundant census workers and give the Congress something worthwhile to do, instead of the busy-work now so strenuous and mind-numbing for them. There would be other advantages as well, and I am shocked that it has not previously been suggested.

A snake oil czar is needed, or even better, several. The domestic supply of snake oil is practically infinite, with no need to import it from hostile foreign countries such as Israel and Alaska, or for that matter, from our friends and allies such as Venezuela and Saudi Arabia. Even President Obama, despite his Herculean efforts and those of his many minions, has been unable to make a dent in the snake oil supply. Humbly, as he told us recently, he can't do everything all by himself, not even suck up unwanted oil spills (or even tea spills) with a straw -- with or without a stinkin' badge. Although a change in job description might help a bit, it is a far from a complete solution to the problem; indeed, it might even make matters worse. President Obama needs real help so that he can actually lead the country in the right best direction, and that is the basis of this proposal.

One snake oil czar would not be enough. There should be at least one czar to control resource utilization to prevent environmental harm: since many snakes are endangered species, ways would have to be found to extract the valuable snake oil without harming the snakes. Another czar would be needed to find ways to convert the snake oil into carbon-free fuel and biodegradable plastics, another to ensure that all is done in a politically correct and empathetic way, and another to make sure that the others are doing their jobs correctly. (This final function is so vital that the entire Service Employees International Union (SEIU) governing body should be engaged.)