John Nampion Vs. Begunga Mike's Dating Guide for Neanderthals, Part 2
As my Mom had written to me previously after one of my scurrilous, mean-spirited, and very possibly obscene posts:
From one of your OH fans: JOHN, JOHN, WHAT HAS COME OVER YOU? After pleasing us with your pithy blogs of last week, now we find you are again getting yourself in a lather over too many subjects and besides most of them pretty nasty anyway and not up to the level which you have shown yourself to naturally be in. IN OTHER WORDS, GET IN THE UPPER ATMOSPHERE AGAIN and give us some of the real reading pleasure which we like in your writing. (It’s not too mature to complain about your readers!!!) We really like your style, so show us some again!
My kids bothered me the most; I was supposed to be their example! Not that I told them about my social life, but how could I instruct them in proper conduct when I was nothing but a rutting and bestial cad, hell-bent on conquest and orgiastic pleasure?
I made the mistake of telling this to Mike. He just shook his head and laughed:
That thing you call a conscience is part of a primeval section of the brain known as the Godhead. It developed in the earliest humans and then grew as we became more and more evolved. Its function is to create the illusion of purpose in the organism -- so that it doesn't self destruct. This Reptilian nerve bundle created religion -- and in later years hobbies like stamp collecting. But that's a side issue. Do you want to get laid or not?
It was obviously fruitless to continue the conversation. Mike had already solved the riddle of existence: We were simply alligators in a Florida theme park -- and the most aggressive among us would get twice as many dead chickens -- and all of the females.