How to Make Obama Like Us

The Barack Obama presidency has been disastrous. The economy is in shambles, and Obama's only response has been to try and waste as much of our money as he can. Jobs are a scarce commodity, and yet Obama is trying to raise taxes. And his Department of Justice is apparently selling guns to Mexican drug cartels. All of this raises the obvious question: What did we do to make Obama hate us and want to destroy us?

Obama was elected on the promise of hope and change; he was going to make everything better by fixing the economy, ending all wars, and making every rainbow a double rainbow. As smart and capable as we all knew he was, he should have succeeded beyond our wildest imaginations. But instead, we're even worse off than before -- I don't remember the last time I even saw a single rainbow. The only explanation is that somehow we've angered Obama and caused him to turn against us. It's just that I'm not sure how.

Now, we could go to a town hall and ask Obama, "What have we done to make you want to destroy this country?" I think that is a horrible idea, though, as Obama will only glare at us and become even angrier. Obviously what we've done is extremely bad based on the way Obama is treating us, and it would only be worse if he knew we were ignorant of our exact slight against him.

We just need to accept the fact that we're a bad country, and that's why Obama is not following through on the hope and change he promised. So now what we need to do is try to figure out how to become a better country so Obama will like us and decide that he doesn't need to destroy us. So I've done my best to study Obama and figure out some ideas to make us a country he considers worth saving.


Stop asking what's in the bills he wants to pass. We elected Obama to help us, yet when he tries to help by coming up with bills to pass, suddenly we want all the details.

"Where is all this stimulus money getting spent?"

"What exactly does this health care law do?"

"Are you sure half a billion dollars for this solar panel company is a good idea?"

That's a lot of questions, and Obama obviously doesn't like any of them. If he's very important and smart and quite unconcerned about the contents of his bills, then why should unimportant people like us worry our heads about it? It's like we don't trust his judgment. Next time he has a bill, we should just approach it with an attitude like, "Won't this be exciting! Who knows what wonders passing this bill will unleash?!"

Stop sending Republicans to Congress. Obama really doesn't like Republicans and doesn't want to work with them. He barely even liked working with his Democratic majorities and having to convince them to pass his bills, so he absolutely hates trying to work with Republicans. They do all the things that make him mad, such as not doing whatever he tells them. As long as we keep inflicting Republicans on Obama, he's really not going to like us.