How to Implement the IPCC Program

So we need something better than Nazism, with broader appeal, something that everyone can buy into. In this respect Communism has a lot to offer. You don’t need to be a member of any particular race or nation to become a Communist. Anyone can join the Party, an important feature of the movement which makes it both more attractive and potentially far more lethal than Nazism.

But that said, there are many versions of Communism, and we need to be very selective in choosing the right one if we are to use it successfully as an essential tool in implementing the IPCC plan. Moderate, pussy-footing versions, such as that administered in the Soviet Union by Josef Stalin between 1923 and his death in 1953, simply won’t do. I’m sure that there may be some die-hard Stalin fans reading these lines who might take exception to this harsh evaluation, but we need to face the facts. Mr. Stalin ruled the Soviet Union for three decades, and despite all of his much vaunted gulags, purges, and holodomors, only succeeded in killing between ten and fifteen percent of the population. That’s less than half a percent per year, a rate far too low for IPCC purposes.

If we want to get the job done, a much more appropriate model would be that set by Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge associates in Cambodia. During their administration, which lasted from 1975 to 1979, these gentlemen managed to rid their country of forty percent of its people, for an average of 10 percent per year. And not only was this figure in the appropriate range, but those eliminated were well-selected, starting with the most educated first, and working down from there to the literate and semi-literate. In contrast, Mr. Stalin foolishly thought he could keep much of the Soviet Union’s technical and artistic intelligentsia alive, and while he did take some measures to control new publications, he failed utterly in the necessary task of obliterating Russia’s traditional literary culture, thereby leaving segments of the population with powers of thought that ultimately contributed to the undoing of the Soviet Union itself.

So, following the more successful model pioneered by Mr. Pol Pot, here are some groups that should be eliminated first to help save the planet from further fossil fuel use.

  1. All people with engineering knowledge of how to acquire fossil fuels of any type from the Earth.
  2. All people with knowledge of scientific principles that would allow for the recreation of the engineering techniques for acquiring fossil fuels.
  3. All people with knowledge of how to read languages whose books contain forbidden knowledge of the types identified in points 1 and 2, above.
  4. All people older than twenty years of age.

The arguments supporting points 1,2, and 3 above are self-evident. Point 4 is necessary because everyone older than 20 has personal memories of past weather that tend to undermine general belief in an ongoing climatic catastrophe. If the public loses this faith, the entire program will become impossible to implement. Therefore, such potentially subversive elements clearly need to go.

Some might object that this program, noble and necessary as it might be, is impossible, since if any nation refused to take part it would quickly acquire an unbeatable military and economic advantage over all the others. Thus, rather than saving the planet, the result by Darwinian selection would only be world rule by climate change deniers. But there is a way to avoid such a catastrophe: we simply need to abolish national sovereignty. Instead, all countries need to place themselves under UN governance. This would prevent any cheating, and, as an additional advantage, preclude disruption of the program by such unplanned events as retrograde action by voters.

As a final note, I would like to answer critics who might complain that since I myself am a member of every single one of the groups 1-4 whose elimination I have identified as necessary, above, my insistence on remaining alive and well-off constitutes some form of hypocrisy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The simple fact of the matter, obvious to all who are not blinded by envy, is that if ninety percent of humanity is to be eliminated, someone is going to have to do the eliminating, and clearly, as one of the wise few who can see what needs to be done, and lay out plans accordingly, I should be one of the latter rather than the former. I’m sure that nearly everyone at the IPCC and the UN feels the same way.